Being Busy Will Break You!

In this Miami Edition, WE talk about the most common drift in marriage, being in the same house but feeling miles apart. Proximity is not connection. We share how to identify distractions, reset your rhythm, and realign with God’s vision for your marriage.

In this episode:

• Why busy can become a burden
• How to tell God’s calling vs personal desire
• The power of an intentional pause, even if it’s just a park or a walk
• Write the vision, make it plain, and make it actionable
• Your first ministry is your family

Many of you have been asking...

• How do we reconnect when we feel distant?
• How do I know if I’m chasing my desires or God’s calling?
• How do we reset our marriage without money for a trip?
• What does “proximity isn’t connection” mean in marriage?
• How do we create a rhythm when life is busy?

WE dive into a practical way to discern calling versus desire by checking motives and impact. 

WE talk about how God-sized work feels bigger than our capacity, which pulls us toward faith, partnership, and patience rather than frantic grinding. 

The surprising result of slowing down? Clearer priorities, deeper affection, and a steady rhythm that adapts to real life better than any perfect balance ever could.

If this resonates, share it with a friend who needs a reset. Subscribe for more marriage-on-mission conversations, and leave a review to tell us the intentional pause you’re trying this week.

Chapters

• 0:00 Miami Reset And Intentional Presence
• 2:45 Proximity Isn’t Connection
• 5:10 Seasons Of Drift And Busyness
• 8:20 Whose Vision Are You Following
• 10:55 Calling vs Desire And Motives
• 14:30 Rest, Renewal, And Letting Go
• 18:10 Marriage On Mission And Planning
• 22:15 Rhythm Over Balance
• 26:05 Write The Vision And Remove Distractions

Transcript

Eugene: 0:01

Welcome to the winning team special edition of the winning team podcast, the Miami Edition. I am Eugene. I am Latanya. And we are the winning team. We are we always excited about having another episode, but we are here in the sunny, hot Miami, Florida. And we're just enjoying our time together. Um, you know, just an opportunity to get away, um, to make sure that, you know, we're just focusing on us. And so, you know, there's always distractions, there's always things that try to fight to the enemy's always trying to find his way in. And uh, we just wanted to guard against that. So sometimes we got to change the atmosphere, sometimes you got to change uh the environment around you so that we can focus not only individually but also as a team.

LaTanya: 0:54

And it's been great to be able to be um in a beautiful place to see beautiful things that I also think just renew and revitalize your ideas and even helps you to refocus. Um and we have um been able to celebrate with some friends and um as they have become one in marriage. So, you know, we were extra excited about that because we are we love love and we love marriage, and so it's really been able to been a great time to just stop and celebrate love while also um coming together to continue to build um purpose and work the winning team.

Eugene: 1:38

So amen. Yeah, so question for you all Have y'all ever been next to somebody, but you felt like you were still miles and miles away? And what happens is that you know, you not only can be in proximity, because proximity does not equate to connection. And so we wanted to make sure that we're just not in proximity, but that we're present where we are, and so that's what we want you to think about as well. We want you to, because life can become so busy, but can you pause long enough and be still long enough so that your life is not so busy or full of motion that you missed opportunities to connect and you missed the opportunity to understand the absolute real purpose that God has for your marriage?

LaTanya: 2:30

I think too, or come become so consumed with um someone else's life sometimes and someone else's, and again, consumed with social media or consumed with um success, like the next thing. Like I'm I'm trying, I'm on my grind. We always on our grind. We're we're trying to get to the next thing before um and and before you know it. Again, much like the question, you're you're you're present, but you're not connecting. And I think there is there were some seasons in our marriage where we had the present but not connected um season. We call it we had a silent season, we had a engulfed in parenting season, um, we had a building career season. And so I think what's been so great about this season of our life is that um we are now able to focus, you know, focus more. It doesn't mean that we're not still distracted by things because our lives are also now like super busy. We we really and I hate that B word, it's not my favorite word um because sometimes I think it becomes a crutch. Um, because we oh, I'm just so busy, I'm just so busy when really are you making any progress? Like you're busy doing stuff, but are you making any progress? But um sometimes that busyness, and again, even for us, that busyness has become a um had become a distraction and even keeping us from focusing on um again what God has called us to do, focusing on one another, um, even focusing on caring for ourselves as as individuals. So I'm I'm excited about this episode because like this is this is real life for for us. Um we've been definitely been distracted and not connected in time.

Eugene: 4:32

So and that's the perfect segue. Whose vision are you really following? And that's something that you know we had to process because it could be God's vision or your desires, and even in a marriage, you can become so consumed by your own selfish desires that you're pulled away from what God intended for you. And every marriage, every marriage has two sets of dreams, and that's yours or what God's calling or God's desire for you. So you have to really ask yourself, and we have to ask ourselves, and that's the reason why we said we got to get away and change the environment, is is are we building what God envisioned or are we chasing what we desired?

LaTanya: 5:22

Okay, let me let me pause, let me ask a question for you right now because I feel like our you know our folks will want to know. Okay, um, how do you know what God, the difference between God's calling and your desire?

Eugene: 5:39

That's a great question. And the answer typically can be found in is what you're trying to do, is it only gonna benefit you or is it gonna benefit other people? And you have to really, it really is you gotta really dig into the motive of your heart. And so and you'll feel the difference of even the burden of doing it. I mean, because because when you're doing what God calls you calling you to do, you know, honestly, sometimes it's like, oh, because it feels big, it feels it feels too big for you to even to be able to accomplish by yourself. And so when we think about the the number of marriages and number of people that we really, really want to impact, uh the reason why we said we wanted to get away is because we really wanted to commit all of our plans to the Lord because that's when our that's when you know our our our uh plans and our desires will be established. And so we we decided we were gonna take this trip and we were gonna come here and get away from it all and just take some time to just relax. And for the first couple days, Bruh Man relaxed. Well, you know, I I relaxed, but you know, really what it was Yeah, Bruh took 15 naps, like three a days.

LaTanya: 7:04

Like I'm not even I'm not even playing, like three three a days, which he never ever does.

Eugene: 7:11

But he also has no issue with sleep, but that's the thing, but I think what happened, and the reason why that was important is because again, we talk about the business busyness of life, and so I think that I had to be still, and it's not often sometimes I can be still physically, but mentally my brain is always moving.

LaTanya: 7:30

Sometimes, and so your brain always moves.

Eugene: 7:32

I know. Well, it but I'm just saying, but this trip I'm excited about for the first time in a very long time that I was able to just pause and I put my phone down, I didn't have my computer, I didn't have social media, and when I did that, I just fell asleep, and then I woke up and I did it again, and just fell asleep and I just fell asleep, and and then I did it again.

LaTanya: 7:59

Like, is something wrong with you? Like, what is going on? I had to check him.

Eugene: 8:04

But you know, after a couple days, you know, now I feel refreshed, I feel revived. Just all though, and I know, but but again, once you commit your plans to the Lord, that's truly when um He will establish our plans, and so whatever we commit to the Lord, and so what I'm excited about is that you have to ask yourself as a couple, because I think what happens is that we will believe that we're off doing good things, and that's and that's what we realized for our lives. For we've been married 23 years now, probably for 22, 20, 21 of the years. She was doing her thing from a career standpoint, I was doing my thing from a career standpoint, and we you know made sure that those things merged together. But it was like, wait a minute, like what are we committing to the Lord? What did he tell us to do? Because our marriage is truly a marriage on a mission, but what did he tell us to do? What did he tell us to focus on? And so, you know, we have been doing that for like the last two years, and so we decided to take a little break in October before the the start of the year so that we can come get prepared for what the next year is gonna bring.

LaTanya: 9:15

And I think, and and again, I think this is you know, some of the gifts and talents that God has given us. So I don't want to um minimize minimize that or you know, count it as a fault when we're now saying that we um we're busy in other things like building careers and building. Um we're we believe even helping and supporting other others and that's a part of our purpose. That's a part of our purpose. That's what God has called us to do because it's sometimes the natural thing. Um I some I'm amazed that Eugene sometimes when he's in his mode and he's just like and just what is that? It's like you're just shooting off ideas, shooting off things, and you'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bruh. Like my brain can't, you know, can't function in that way. And so I think often because of who he is and how God has created him, um that's that's how he pours into others. That's really um people seek him for, you know, for that. And so um I think it has been great to watch you also rest because you you you you often don't do that because of how God has created you. And I think so often, I would say early on in our marriage, so he could just be chill. I'm like, I'm out there, I'm your girl, um, I'm the extrovert. I I was the busy one, like always doing something. And I think for a minute it was seen as um I felt it was seen as a negative sometimes. It was you always doing something, just sit down, just rest. And I had to say, but I also think this is how God has created me. Like it's not a it's not a bad thing. Now I do need to find balance. Um, and I think COVID was really good with helping with some of this balance. And so when I feel like I'm at that point of um getting to the to the busy mark, um, I'm now saying, all right, I've reached my capacity and now I need to um reset because I don't want to, because I've realized that in some of that busyness, um those things were taking precedent over what we had to do, or by the time it was time to get home to talk about the winning team or to talk about what's next for us, we tired. Like I don't we are we because we've utilized our brain capacity in so many other ways. And so again, I think this this time has been really good to not just make plans because again, the gateways have no shortage of plans, but it's now putting uh putting the the the feet, the legs to those plans to really be able to execute it and staying prayerful over what God wants us to do and focused on that.

Eugene: 12:29

Amen. And I think that even in the midst of that, sometimes you know, we get so focused on uh so many other things, whether it's comfort, whether it's comparison, that we drift away from that purpose in our marriage. And I know you said balance, but I really think the word that you often use, which I think is better than balance, because you never really get balance. You find a rhythm and you often talk about the rhythm that we find. And I think that in this season of our life, we had we have had to pay attention to this new rhythm. And now, because the rhythm is what's gonna keep us on one accord. You know, it's kind of like when we be dancing, you know.

LaTanya: 13:14

Boy bad. You don't even trying to dance, you dance one time and then be like, okay, that's the year.

Eugene: 13:22

I got the dance on on video, so everybody saw that. Boy, bad.

LaTanya: 13:26

We never gonna do that again for the rest of the year. For the rest of the year. We will. We will. Okay, anyway, folks.

Eugene: 13:33

But my my point is distractions, see. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. We're talking about distractions, but but I'm my my point is that that's what all of you have to do as well. You know, we would implore you to think about and review together what has God said about your marriage, whether, you know, it's the calling that the two of you have, because God gave, you know, a vision for your marriage, and then he sent a suitable helper in order to accomplish that thing so that so that his glory can be revealed in the earth through the two of you. And so now you have to think about and review together, you know, what did God say and and for you and your marriage so that you can commit that to the Lord so that he can establish the plan. And that's what I'm excited about that we've been here to not only witness, but also work uh love being made. So I would say after you do that, number two, you should identify what's distracting you and what's has prevented you from actually doing together in partnership, not individually, but in partnership, what has prevented you from doing what God has said that your marriage is supposed to accomplish in this earth? So take some time to think about it.

LaTanya: 14:53

And and write it down. So write the vision, make it plain. Habakkah 2 and 2 is so important, writing it down, taking that moment, even if it's if you have littles and they are in the mix and all around, you know, when you sit in it in the bed and before you walk and go to sleep, like make a commitment, a recommitment, even to your marriage and to your time that you have, because you cannot get your time back. And so there are a lot of things that um take our time, and time is one of the rarest commodities that we have, and so we give our time to so many other things. Why not give your time to your marriage as well? So write, write it down, write, write it down, then commit those plans to God, be prayerful over those plans, get you some prayer partners, um, some accountability people that can help you uh to be accountable to it to each other, um, and even that check in with one another. But uh it's something about writing things down for us. And I am the paper and pen person. Um, he is the electronic, but it's sometimes I feel like it can get lost in a computer.

Eugene: 16:15

But when you write something down and the book that you write it in can literally get lost and you'll never find it again.

LaTanya: 16:21

Oh no, that's never gonna happen with me. But you can, but but you can put those things up. So this plan, like even if it's like we're gonna commit to, you know, a no Tuesdays or no technology Tuesdays. Listen, we had that in our house.

Eugene: 16:36

Tuesdays and Thursdays.

LaTanya: 16:37

Tuesdays and Thursdays, game changer, especially when our our son was little. We have fallen away from that, but it was a game changer because that also meant there was no technology for us as well. And so just as hard as it was for our son, that was hard for us too as well. But we got great family time. Great, great family times, so it's everything it removed those distractions. So make a commitment to even that, being honest with yourselves about yeah, I don't know when the last time we went out, or I don't know, the last time we sat down for dinner, make a commitment to what that non-distracted time will be. Um, and write it down, put it on the refrigerator, put it on your mirrors, um, to commit back to time for your marriage and time for um for your family and one another.

Eugene: 17:26

And one last thing for this one is that when you write it down, it says, you know, write the vision, make it plain, so that they that read it can run thereby. So for us, we had to write it down. This trip has been helpful to write it down in a way that it's actionable. So, like what's the next step we're gonna take daily, you know, time blocking it so that we we create new habits in the rhythm that we're talking about. We create new habits so that we have um not only daily, weekly, monthly. We just sat down, you know, at lunch at the last meeting we had, and we kind of mapped out our our goals for the next quarter and the next uh two quarters. And so we've mapped that out, but that's again goals for us as a family. It doesn't have anything to do with you know careers, but what about our household? So make sure that that's something that you're doing. We talked about being busy, and busy can actually become a burden when you're so busy for me serving, and so I felt like it was justified because I was busy in the church and I was serving God, working for the Lord, working for the Lord, but your first ministry is your family, is taking care of your household, and a man that doesn't do that is worse than a non-believer, and so busy can really become a burden, and so you could be so busy serving that you're not seeking God for what's the next steps that you're supposed to take, because He is the one that will truly, truly order your steps. So putting down the phones and the deadlines and even ministry, sometimes all of those things in ministry can even drown out the intimacy that you can have in your first ministry. And so busyness can really get to the point where it numbs the awareness that you have in your relationship, and then your relationships even start to feel dry, and and you'll you'll justify it or or even um excuse it because you feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

LaTanya: 19:31

Yeah, that's what I was getting ready to say. Like, how do you um combat the what this is how what I'm supposed to be doing, or you understood, or you knew when you married me this was how my work was, what my career looked like, or what um how I served in ministry. Like, so how do you um combat some of that? That kind of conversation when they're not wrong, but this is what it is.

Eugene: 20:10

Yeah, well, again, Scripture says that your family is your first ministry. Scripture says that if you don't a man that doesn't take care of his own household is worse than a non-believer. So that those are not my words. That's what Scripture says. And so if if God is prioritizing the family and prioritizing someone who takes care of his own family, then then we have to also prioritize what our first ministry is. Now, and that's the reason why earlier when you said, you know, you got to have balance. Well, balance, it you have to have a rhythm because sometimes there will be seasons when I have given 70, 80% to ministry to work. But there's also seasons when I've given 100% to you. Prime example, I'm off and I've been off for like the past week. There are seasons where you call me and you can pretty much always get me. But my point is that there are seasons and times where you know I'm focused at work, I'm doing this, I'm in my office, I'm doing that thing. So just like I turn off, I turn family off for seasons and periods of time. This is a season where we had to turn off work and turn off ministry and turn off all of the other pouring out that we pour out to everyone else so that we can spend time pouring back into us as not only individually resting, but also pouring back into us as family so that we can then be who we need to be for not only serving God and then as we serve the people around us. And so it's a matter of prioritization. Um, and and you can't, if you if you're constantly like, no, no, this is what I'm supposed to do, then you are imbalanced all the time. And then when you become imbalanced in that way, you're you're now becoming neglectful and not just um at the rhythm as well.

LaTanya: 22:08

Yeah, I think that's a really good point around, you know, you just gotta do it all because you really can't. Okay, and you're not God, and you're not God. You like great point around the you become neglectful. Something is going to to sacrifice if you are, if you don't have a good rhythm. Um, because I believe that you can be, you not believe, I know you can be assigned to multiple things. Um, because God has given us multiple gifts and talents. And so that might mean, you know, you you should you are in a workplace, you are in a family, you are in ministry, you are doing sports, you are doing multiple things. Like so that that is point, that is, um, that is true, but when you're trying to prioritize it all, that's not that's not possible. And so you're right, it becomes neglectful. Somebody is going to be hurt in the end, and sometimes that somebody is you, yeah. And then that means that you are laid up in a hospital. Like I I know that firsthand um in those very busy seasons um that was stressful. That's exactly when boop, nope, you're gonna get set right on down. Yes, lungs.

Eugene: 23:34

You will make it lie down.

LaTanya: 23:35

Listen, I had to keep saying, Lord, I um I obviously I wasn't understanding the lesson and assignment, but we won't get off on that one. Um, but I think that that were neglectful, something about that stood out for me when you said that, because we are in a world where we're taught, okay, yeah, do more, um faster, bigger, better, but at the cost of of what? And when it comes to people and humans, yeah, it is it is dangerous to do the the the bigger and the more and the faster because potentially you have neglected something of that person.

Eugene: 24:18

This morning I was on the balcony out watching the sunrise, and I have been thinking about this. And Romans 12 came up came to mind be not conformed to the ways of this world, would be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And when you do that, that's when you'll know what God's good, pleasing, and perfect will is for your life. And so everything that you're saying, this busyness and chasing comparison, all those things, I believe that those are the things that the world's that the world values is, that the world has put on us. And then we take that work ethic and the grinding and going and apply that to our lives and apply that to ministry. And that's not what God's intentions is. He said, Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. He didn't say you have to go grind to get it. He said, Delight yourself in me and I'll give you the desires of your heart. And so if he is giving you the desires of your heart and he's ordering your steps, then now you just have to trust that all the other things that God's will that that God has for you will be drawn to you and that he'll order your steps and and send the people and the resources and according to the vision that he is giving you. And so, you know, to your point, like God has called us to love and to and to love him and love our neighbors as ourselves. But when we're out loving things, especially, especially based on the motive that we have and the reasons why we're doing all those things, God is looking at our heart. And we think that by having things that the people are gonna be excited, but really we have to ask ourselves, who are we trying to impress? And so that's why it's, you know, we have to have moments like this where we just pause and be still. And that's what we're gonna ask y'all to do is just be still and and really reflect on, you know, what are you doing and why are you doing it? And is God getting the glory because you're not being neglectful, not to yourself, your health, your your mental, you're you're being good stewards over what God has given you, um, and that you're really stewarding your family well as well.

LaTanya: 26:16

And your faith, stewarding your faith well also, because I also think that sometimes in this mix of busyness, we've often picked up things that we probably shouldn't have, um, that we didn't need to, but because it's like, well, well, Lord, we're praying about it. I prayed you about it, I don't see it happening. So now I gotta make it happen. And so now you have really created a whole nother, you created chaos sometimes for yourself because of lack of faith and faith and time. And so again, I think we're all um we're all guilty of it, but you gotta find that space to be able to lean in to your faith. If you you out here, you know, I see y'all talking about faith got me out here acting crazy. No, faith got me. I don't even know. No, it's something else. Oh, faith got me living risky or something. I was like, I don't really agree with that. Um, but faith is some some boldness, and you do have to operate in that. Um, because again, if not, you'll feel it. Your faithful, your faithless, um, your unfaithfulness can can can can lead you down some paths that have you filling in the gaps of things that are now becoming a distraction that's now keeping you away from what you've been assigned to do.

Eugene: 27:47

Amen. So we appreciate y'all hanging out with us for this episode. It really was about, you know, we just we're loving Miami and let us be clear like God has truly blessed us, and we and we're we praise God for it to have the opportunity to be here um in Miami, but we couldn't always afford to do this. So we would also drive downtown, we would go to a hotel, we would, you know, go for a walk because changing the scenery and and creating a different rhythm or interrupting the rhythm is what causes us to pause long enough. So you got to look for those intentional pauses and even build them into your schedule, into your life. So if you have to do an intentional pause, meaning drive somewhere, go to a park, you know, do a picnic, do something that's out of the ordinary so that you can turn off your phone for a minute and just relax and just pay attention to nature, whatever it is that can cause you to be opposite. If you work with our pastor often says, if you work with your mind, then rest with your hands. And if you work with your hands, rest with your mind. So whatever it is that will cause you to pause, then you know, build in that intentional pause and just reflect, relate, some relate to all these R's she was saying one day. But we appreciate y'all joining us for another episode. We got a few more we'll be shooting for you while we're here in Miami. But just take a take a look at uh just how beautiful it was, and and prayerfully, even some of these videos will will be a blessing for you. Like, share, comment, please. Uh, make sure you're sharing this with any and everybody. And if you have any other questions or anything that uh you would like our our our our um opinion on, please drop us a note, and we look forward to talking to y'all soon. Peace.