The Kind of Love TikTok Don’t Talk About

Everybody talks about aesthetics, 50/50, and matching pajamas. Jalen & Amber Jones are living something different. Their love is built on friendship, shared faith, and real grown choices that don’t always make the algorithm. They met as student athletes, built a bond before the butterflies, and discovered that liking each other is what keeps them steady when emotions spike or schedules get crazy.

In this episode, WE break down the stuff TikTok rarely shows: how tone, word choice, and small gestures repair conflict faster than perfect arguments. How independence becomes interdependence when you start naming expectations instead of guessing them. How a quick check in or a simple “Are you free if I grab dinner with a friend?” protects connection without killing freedom.

WE talk through the shift couples need to make when life gets real. Vows are cute on the wedding day, but they get tested early with job changes, health scares, and tight budgets. The Jones’s let their vows become verbs. They chose to show up, communicate clearly, set shared rhythms, and steward their home like a team that actually plans to win.

And yes, their faith shows up too, not as a vibe but as a lifestyle. They pray over plans, eat together on purpose, and treat leadership like service, not control. Their premarital coaching opened their eyes to blind spots about money, conflict repair, intimacy, and routines that scale with life.

This episode is for anyone who wants real love, not just relationship content. The takeaway is simple and doable: build a friendship that can take a hit, speak expectations out loud, pray over your plans, and let small acts of kindness carry big weight. That’s the kind of love TikTok doesn’t talk about, but everybody needs.

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet The Joneses And Their Origin Story
• 2:06 Friendship First: Same Last Name, Strong Foundation
• 4:19 Early Marriage Differences And Daily Rhythms
• 8:48 Independence To Interdependence: Trust And Tasks
• 13:36 Expectations, Consideration, And Feeling Prioritized
• 18:55 Repair Tools: Hugs, Laughter, And Staying Connected
• 23:30 Faith Practices: Prayer, Roles, And Leading
• 27:30 Why Premarital Coaching Accelerates Wisdom
• 33:14 Year One Tests: Health Scares And Job Changes
• 38:40 Words Have Weight: Encouragement Over Reaction
• 43:10 Covenant Mindset: Worse, Poorer, And Sickness
• 47:40 Looking To Year Two: Rhythm, Finances, And Purpose
• 52:15 Generational Perspectives And Team Marriage
• 56:20 Closing Gratitude And Future Conversations

Transcript

Eugene: 0:00

Welcome to another episode of the winning team. I am Eugene.

LaTanya : 0:05

I'm Latinan.

Eugene: 0:07

And we are the winning team. And we are so excited about today's episode. As you see, we are not sitting here alone. We have a couple that is sitting with us to love you. And we have had the honor and the privilege to watch this.

Amber: 1:19

So we met in college. We both attended Bost State University. Shout out to Fox State. So we stayed in the same dorm. I ran track and then he played basketball as well. So they had a special dorm for athletes and then the international students. But that's how we ended up meeting. We stayed on different floors. It was co-ed, but you know they had to make sure all was well. Separated by gender, um, each floor. But we ended up having some mutual friends and then ended up meeting that way. I cannot pinpoint the exact day that we met, and I wish I could have something the day one story, but in short, that's how that's how we met.

Eugene: 2:05

Yeah. Okay, okay. So was it love at first sight or was it a process? Process.

Jalen: 2:14

Process 100%. So, like she said, we met through a mutual friend, and so we'll shout her out, shout out to Bird. Yeah, she actually met her in the study lab in our dorm. She was on the phone with her significant other at the other time, and they were going back and forth, and I was cracking up at their conversation, and we kind of hit it off, became friends. And so, you know, her friends who were her the teammates, Amber.

Amber: 2:41

So this is one of my track teammates. Okay, yeah, okay.

Jalen: 2:43

They're really close, and like some of my friends that I knew, we got together, met one time, and then from there, the relationships grew. Um, and so when we met, we were friends and we're both dating at the at that time, like long distance. We're dating someone here back at home. Um, and so we were only friends, and then I think the second semester is when we had a class together. So we're from just knowing each other to sharing space, spending time together, studying, and really grew a relationship. And so I feel like that was the foundation of our relationship now. Like it was a friendship, yeah. And not only that, I'm sure you're probably gonna get there at some point, but I'll share it now. Like we have the same last name.

Speaker 5: 3:26

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jalen: 3:27

So, fun fact about us our last name was Jones before we got married, and so we used to play on it. Like, people would tell you, like, at school, our relationship, like our friendship was so tight, like people thought we were related. Wow, and we used to play on it, like that's my brother, that's my sister.

Amber: 3:43

Yeah, so imagine when the time came when you confused it. I was perplexed. I was perplexed, but that's awesome.

Eugene: 3:57

I was gonna I was gonna bring it up during the introduction. Yeah, I was like, no, EJ, this is not your story. It's not your story to Jones' story, so you know, I'm I'm excited about to hear, you know, because a lot of people don't value, especially nowadays, don't value being friends or don't understand the value of being friends before. Um, and you know, I know y'all are one year in, but tell me a little bit more about how you believe your friendship helped you, even now reflecting on one year in, and we'll talk a little more in a second.

Jalen: 4:34

So I feel like we've heard the saying like when love fails, because you're friends, you still like each other, and I think that like rings true for us. Like when in doubt, if and when there's a disagreement or you're not on one accord, like when the love quote unquote fails, like we genuinely like each other, yeah, like genuinely like each other, like we're legit friends, and so even in terms of how we communicate, how we talk to each other, like I'm approaching my friend. I'm not just approaching a woman that I know, yeah, but it's a certain level of respect, a certain level of love that I speak to her through when I'm approaching her, regardless of what it is. And so I think that shows up a lot in our our dynamic at home, the energy of just fun. Like I'm just doing life with my best friend. It's so much fun.

Amber: 5:30

Yeah, so I piggyback everything that that he said. It's it's it's just been a joy to just see how that friendship has been able to evolve in marriage. Um, and I've just been so appreciative that that's something that we can always and not necessarily fall back on, but just go back to uh when in doubt. Our friendship is always like a pillar of who we are.

Eugene: 5:55

That's great. Yeah, so a lot of times people feel like you know, we were friends, we know each other, and then you get married, and then you move in together, and then you realize, like, wait a minute. So, what did you learn about yourselves in the first, let's say, first few months of being married and then not living together? That were different, different.

LaTanya : 6:19

Say more, say more wherever you feel comfortable with you, say more.

Jalen: 6:23

Different, yes, like just in terms of what you want to do when you're at home, like I am one, I am up. Like, like that alarm clock will go off. It may take me a while to get up and get out the bed, but once I'm up, I'm up a lot earlier than she is, and she's a sleeper, like she can sleep, she can sleep all day, get up, eat, and go back to sleep. Are you not tired of sleep? Like, sit up, sit with me. If you don't say nothing, just look at each other and be like, Why are you sleeping? Like, I don't want to sleep. I slept all night. I'm gonna sleep.

LaTanya : 7:05

There's a tough place to sleep, you know, over the sleep.

Jalen: 7:08

Yeah, and like mind you, like that's something that I knew going in, but now like we're living together, and so she's at home and she's comfortable, and so all she really wants to do is sleep. Yeah, she's like, Oh, I'm at peace. That's like I'm safe when I'm around you, so I'm just gonna sleep.

Eugene: 7:26

How does that impact your marriage? I know, I know it's we're being joking about it right now, but how does that impact you from a husband-wife standpoint when you say we're different in that way?

Jalen: 7:40

I think for me, sometimes I lean into it and I'm like, okay, this is this could be a sign for me to rest too. Because I'm always on go and can find something to do. Um, and other times I can use that to just give her that space and that time to rest. And so I I try, at least try my best to put myself in her shoes as much as I can. So when I see that, okay, she's resting, I'm thinking through like what did she do, or like how difficult work was. And I know we'll probably get into that in terms of what we do for work, but I've never been in the hospital or know the stress that goes into the job. So I can never, you know, judge her for that. But trying to put myself in her shoes and say, okay, if she is resting at this time, what can I be doing? You know, whether working or reading or whatever the case may be, but I can't say it's impacted us in a way that was detrimental, or I felt the way, but I like a difference I could, you know, speak to. That's great. So different.

Eugene: 8:44

Any other differences? I'm sorry.

Amber: 8:48

Uh I think something that I observed in terms of myself going into it the first couple months is how my dependence or lack thereof in certain scenarios, like there would be times where he would say, Oh, I'll handle this, but then you notice that like it's not being handled. And so trying to be handled or the way he would like it to be handled. Maybe let's say both. Let's say both. And so just trusting that if he says he'll do something, that he'll do it, and just finding that balance with, okay, I didn't realize how much of an independent person that I was prior to. And it's like I can easily just take this task and just do it and get it done and it'll be done. I won't have to worry about it. But if he says he's gonna do it, trusting that he'll do it. And yeah, and if he doesn't, finding a way to gently like communicate, like, hey, do you remember, you know, you mentioned that you would do X, Y, and Z? How's that coming along? So, and uh where are you at with that task? You need some support with someone, yeah, yeah. So just kind of relinquishing some of the control that I that I had prior to marriage. And that's that's a that's an ongoing. I won't say that it's something that's completely resolved, of course. We are only a year in, and I'm sure it's gonna take time, but yeah, that's something that I will say I noticed, like, hmm, I was more independent than I thought I was going into it, you know, having to really work as a team through a lot and trusting that he'll hold his what he says what he says he will.

Eugene: 10:36

Yeah, the shift from independence to interdependence is one of the biggest shifts that people don't expect. And and what I'll ask as a follow-up is that do you set the expectation when you ask for something? Do you set the expectation or the timeline of when you want it to get done? Because most of the time when y'all say can you, y'all mean right now. Y'all don't mean y'all don't mean later when we have time. Y'all don't mean y'all don't care about what we're doing, y'all mean do it right now. So, so do we set expectations or is there unspoken expectations that then cause you to feel the way that you feel?

Amber: 11:13

There definitely may be unspoken, unspoken expectations, which is why I don't trip, trip out about it because I know that there's a part of me. There's a part of me. She's like, Down, I want to crash out, but you really have to pick and choose um your battles and what, especially if there's a part of you that could have handled it differently. And so that's something that this might be the first time you heard me say this. So yeah, so it it hasn't been much of an issue for me. Cause I think a lot of it is me navigating the changes of myself. Like I'm holding the mirror up to me first before I'm coming to him, like, okay, what can I do to to aid in this before I just you didn't do this when you said like I'm trying to see what I can how I can better myself before I just that would like when you're about to say it to him?

Eugene: 12:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LaTanya : 12:14

The inner pop up. I think it's finding um um your rhythm. Like we talk a lot about that. Um, and as we have, as marriage evolves and as you it's a different rhythm. Like our rhythm at year one and our rhythm at year, what are we at? 23? 23 at year 23 is is different, and it's this ebb and flows of of it. And just when you got the rhythm, something else, you know, some something else. It's a move, it's a kid, it's a job change, you know. So I think it's um, you know, I love how you're you all are kind of approaching that and building the rhythm because that's really, you know, that's really what you're doing is beginning to build um this chapter of of the rhythm in and putting some of yourselves to the the kind of that dying to self kind of thing, and now into all right, well, how do we become one? How are we becoming us? You know, how are we cleaving to our our husband and wife? And so it's a journey, like that's a that's a journey. So um that the fact that you all have language for it is just you know, I think huge.

LaTanya: 13:32

And so I I don't know if you have that language. Do we have that language now? Which language of how we express um our rhythm? We probably got it now.

Eugene: 13:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think the rhythm is just I'm always I appreciate what you said, Amber, in regards to um self-reflecting first. Because I had I didn't always do that. And when you have when someone is not meeting an expectation or when your spouse is not meeting the expectation, initially you go for I don't understand why they or why you are not doing what I said, and it becomes more of I'm not happy with this, and and and as opposed to what could I have done differently. And so when you immediately take accountability to say, hey, what could I have done differently? Then it you then can have control. Because otherwise, in your in a relationship, when you're shifting from independence to interdependence, you will feel out of control. And a lot of times that's when those um expectations can turn into pressure that that you just were not expecting. And so it's a it can be a lot of uh inner turmoil and overthinking and and musing over stuff that you're frustrated about, and even the pressure begins to build because you can't control what the other person does, and that can become very, very, very frustrating. And so for us, the rhythm um was okay, I know she just came in and she just threw her stuff on the floor and on the table, and so I hope she's gonna pick that up. And I'm not gonna say nothing about it right now, but you know, she'll get around to it eventually. And so, you know, the rhythm could initially the rhythm was I don't understand why she keeps throwing this stuff everywhere, but now the rhythm is just pick it up because it's 23 years later and she's still doing it, so that don't mean she probably ain't gonna stop. Apparently not.

LaTanya : 15:33

What's the thing? Like, then is that gonna be the thing? Pick the thing, like there can be so many things, like let's not make that the thing, you know.

Eugene: 15:40

So we we can pick the thing, so exactly, and so and so when you think about expectations for me, and I'm so glad you went there because expectations to me is the single greatest uh reason why marriages don't work. Now, most people say, you know, they say money, they say sex, but it to me it's the expectations around those things, spoken or unspoken. And then that initially, you know, because we all have an expectation or a visual or or even this perception of what we thought marriage would be. So now you guys are a year in. What expectations did you have that once you got in, realized that it didn't match? You gave one example, Amber, but it it didn't necessarily match reality that you had to say, maybe I need to think twice about that. I'm gonna go to you, Jalen, since Amber already gave an example. That's a good question.

Jalen: 16:40

Expectations I had going in. All right, we had this question before. That's a good one. I think um a surprise for me would be like no matter the weight or the size of a decision you make, like the type of impact it can have on your spouse. Right, and I say that because like one area I found myself, you know, self-reflecting on a lot was the consideration or like thereof with her when a friend wants to hang out, and you know, I'm used to operating from a place of independency where I can get up and go or do it and spend what I want to spend or do what I want to do, but now considering my wife, like, hey, so-and-so wants to do this, or so-and-so wants us to come here. Are you available? Would you like to go? Do you even want to go? Um, and so being mindful of those things, or if I do it, or I'm like, man, I want to go grab something to eat and I have a good time and enjoy the meal, and then she didn't eat or has to go to work. You know what I mean? So, like just sometimes it can seem so small to me, where you know, after church, about to go grab a bite with my homeboy who I invited to church and he came, or to her, it can be a completely different weight to that decision. So that's something that I feel like surprised me that regardless of the decision, you know, it can have an impact on the what do you believe caused her to have the different weight?

Eugene: 18:22

Why do you believe she felt some kind of way if it happened hypothetically or realistically? Why do you think she felt some kind of way about it?

Jalen: 18:32

Because I because I feel like in some way, you know, she would want to be included or at least be in the know. Right?

Amber: 18:39

And let's just say if you're not sure, like I'm glad that you this is good. I'm glad that this is going. But I think it's just good to just know that you're thought of, you know, at the end of the end of the day, it could be something that I completely don't care to do at all, but just to know that you are thought of um that makes a world of difference, I'll be honest. So to know that your husband is keeping you at the forefront of of his mind. Um yeah.

Eugene: 19:28

When it doesn't happen, how does it make you feel?

Amber: 19:34

I would say that it would make it makes me feel like not that I'm not cared for, but like, man, I feel like what about what about little Obi, you know? Because I joke a lot, and so I feel like that is something that I would say, like, okay, like what about what about me, you know? Um so yeah.

Eugene: 19:56

And I appreciate you even saying that because we do say a lot of things in gist, especially when we are friends, right? That you can say a lot of things in gist, but I've learned the things it wasn't the things that she said in gist, it would be the things that she didn't say anything about. And so when she wouldn't say anything, and eventually I would have to start thinking, like, wait, did she feel some kind of way about that? Yeah, and then over time I would just think about it and think about, and now it was not a big deal the first year, but after I continuously did it, what it's doing is it's constantly creating this image of separation. And it's like I always have to say, Man, I don't ever want her to wonder if she is priority in my life. I never want her to wonder if somebody, if if somebody else, if I love someone or cares for someone more than her. So, so in my mind, it's like, all right, regardless of what it is that I'm doing, I'm thinking about, I always have to say, hey, what you doing? This is what I'm about to do. You know, what are your thoughts? And most of the time she controls my calendar anyway. So I don't even commit anymore. And that's how I fixed it is I won't commit to anything until I say, Hey, what about and I'm the excuse sometimes.

LaTanya : 21:18

Well, his birthday too. I was like, let me talk to my husband about yeah, uh-huh.

Amber: 21:24

Yeah, but then yes, that was his favorite thing, one of his favorite things one of his favorite things. He couldn't wait to use that as soon as they won.

Jalen: 21:35

Yeah, so sometimes the guys say I gotta go with my wife. I'm checking my wife and see what she's doing. Yeah, my wife's got plans tonight, yeah, no plans at all.

Amber: 21:46

Yeah, right. You just you just put you that's okay.

Jalen: 21:49

Yeah, I'm right.

Amber: 21:50

Alrighty, you won. Blue up and spot that's great.

Eugene: 21:55

So even when you're thinking about feelings, have there ever been, you know, how do y'all resolve or get back to you know connectedness when you do have those moments?

LaTanya : 22:07

Or disagreements.

Amber: 22:11

I feel like the beautiful thing about it, praise be, that we haven't had many like heavy disagreements, but even if but even the small things, I've noticed that the moment we just hug and just take a big deep breath and just sit in a hug for two minutes, that just I feel like that brings us back. We love we love a long, yeah, long.

Jalen: 22:32

And I would say it's also laughter, yeah. Yeah, it it's the laughter, like one of us will do something, make a face, or say a reference that just causes the other to just crack a smile.

LaTanya : 22:45

Not even bad for real.

Jalen: 22:46

Yeah, it's like get over it.

LaTanya : 22:49

So, I mean, I think that's so important to keep laughter, keep the things that um who you were, you know, how you came into it, and you know, in the mix of that, because I think there was, you know, there was times and seasons and spaces where you know silence was our thing. Like, I'm mad and I ain't saying nothing right now, you know. And so it is again, I think it's this evolution of that, but I think it's finding that, finding those things, finding that space, finding the things of like, all right, you know, we're we we need to remain connected um in in that way so that it doesn't linger, you know, that it doesn't become uh that space. Um, so I'll shift this just a little bit. And so I know that um, you know, faith is a big part of your um your your world um and how you all serve and um so how has faith kind of guided you, particularly in some of this this first year? What is that? How what does that look like for you all and what role has that played in in this in your marriage and in this first year?

Jalen: 24:00

I really think it starts with just the foundation of the marriage and being intentional with what we wanted and having the support and counseling um of Yubo and wanting to just set the tone for what our marriage would look like. Um and I think that it has translated into where we are today, or more so evolved, um, because we one just just choose, just choose him first daily, um, and just make that very clear. And I think that she does a good job of just reminding me of my role as the lead. And so I I would say, like, with that, like prayer, say, like, we don't, or at least to my knowledge, yeah, yet within the first year, don't go a day without praying together at some point in time um in the day. And I would say, like, particularly when we're having meals, like we are being intentional with having meals together, like having dinner together. Um, and during that time, she made that look, go ahead and pray. Just like she wants to be led, like it does mean a lot and definitely helps keep me on point. Um, and you know, we just have those conversations often like how can we continue to live our lives in such a way, one that brings God glory, um, that promotes marriage and shows others that this is something that you should desire. And if God puts it on your heart, like it's possible um to do, um, and that obviously doesn't mean that we're perfect in any way, but you know, we are striving to show up one for the Lord first daily and then for one another. So, you know, even when we aren't together, like I'm praying on her behalf, yeah, like Lord, um, continue to cover her, but then also help me just be the best version of myself for this marriage. Yeah. You mentioned role.

Eugene: 26:04

Is are the are the role that you have, because I know you mentioned it, mentioned it in the context of prayer, but did y'all define roles? How did y'all come up with who's gonna have what role? And um, just talk a little bit more about that.

Amber: 26:22

I feel like we had a a conversation in regards to what we were strong at and going into like in premarital counseling. So I think we took that and and ran with it, and it it definitely helped, which is why I think we didn't have too many like knocking each each other's knocking heads because we knew what our strengths were and how to show up in that in that area, and even if it was unspoken, like noticing things about him is like, okay, I noticed that you do this well, so you know, pushing him because sometimes we do need that push because we don't see sometimes we don't see things for ourselves, and our partner will see it before we do. And so being able to push him and he him pushing me, and we are able to um you know work off of that with each other.

Eugene: 27:14

So then help me, huh?

Speaker 5: 27:16

Come on, well, helpmate.

Eugene: 27:17

Come on, come on.

LaTanya : 27:18

That's it with this. I think I love what both of you all said, and especially I think in the context of um like our current culture, and um particularly like your generation and even younger around this idea of um, you know, you talked about you want him to lead, lead you, you know, and and that you're taking on that leading role. And so so often I feel like um culturally, it's like I don't need nobody telling me what to do. I don't need this and and that, and so submission, like that's a cuss word. Like, I ain't telling him what to do when and when I think deep down inside, everybody wants somebody to to lead and to be a helpmate around. So um have you felt like with you openly sharing that? Um how has that been for you to especially because you mentioned earlier about being in independent and in control, but now it's like well, no, I want him to lead. How has how has that been for you in terms of letting him lead in in that way?

Amber: 28:38

I feel like like you mentioned, uh deep down at the core, that's what I desire. And so I feel like anytime it comes up where I'm in my own way, I know that that's not that's my flesh at that point. And so just acknowledging that and figuring out, like, okay, why am I, you know, not comfortable with him leading in this area and like doing some more self-reflection in that, in that. So um, yeah, yeah.

Eugene: 29:08

That's interesting because you you also mentioned or just mentioned the dichotomy of I want to be independent when I want to be led. And and so a lot of people don't understand that that's a fight within you sometimes, because submitting is important, but you're supposed to submit to him as he submits to the Lord. And if a lot of times people have a problem with submitting to whoever, whomever I'll say a lot of times, excuse me, the the wife has problems submitting to the man because he may not be a reflection of who God has called him to be, and so therefore it's a push where she's trying to make him become that, and so it doesn't sound like that that was something that you all are wrestling. With it sounds like um I don't remember which one of y'all just mentioned uh premarital coaching, but I saw a couple videos where people were talking about I don't need that. So so talk about the the and they say they don't need it because they feel like they've already been through enough and they've already been through a lot with each other, so they feel like they know each other, and in some instances, they've even lived together, and so they feel like I don't need anybody to tell me about my tell me about the other person because I know them. So share a little bit about the if you were giving advice to couples nowadays, um should they or should they not have premarital coaching? And how did what benefits do you say that it had for you?

Jalen: 30:45

You are doing yourself a disservice if you don't. Truthfully, like I really believe that and really seeking wise counsel because just when I think about wisdom, I feel like you have two types of people. Like you have people who will learn wisdom after being told what to do or seeing the life of someone else, but they have to do it anyway to learn the lesson on the other side of it. But then you have the person like myself, or at least I strive to be to take heed to what's being told, and it's like, okay, I got it. So if you tell me the stove is hot and I can see the consequences of you touching the stove, I believe you. Yeah, I don't have to go say, I see, but let me go touch the stove anyway. And so I think in terms of like premarital counseling, you were able to give us experience, you were able to give us sound wisdom on some of your own personal struggles on the things that went well for you, because I feel like it gives you speed, it gave us speed. And so there were many nuggets that I still hold on to today. And one of those, particularly, I know you talked about um you are having that conversation where um you told Latani, like, I'm not going anywhere, right? Like, because of whatever was going on in that time, right? You can give context to that, but it took you to actually verbalize that for her to feel confident and like even though I I know subconsciously you aren't going anywhere, like to know that there is nothing that you could do that you can say that will cause me to leave. It's just small things like that. That when I show up and I communicate, or whatever the case may be in our in our marriage, like I want her to know that and feel that and experience that. So that's one example of the many things that we got uh from our time together. But marriage is another level of commitment, and I feel like it takes for two to be humble enough to go sit before someone to not just be talked to, but like you told us, like the seat that you sat in for us was to ask questions to get us to hear each other and to talk to one another, because I know for for for sure on date night or times that we spent together and college, dating and even the engagement period that I never fathomed asking her. And so it took us to sit with someone that had some years of experience to be like, oh yes, I don't know, right? Yeah, I don't know, or to do things such as like I know I can tend to process quicker, but you were asking things where I'm like, I have no answer, I need to write this down, put this in my notes, we can talk about it the next session we get to, or we're gonna have to have some conversations later over a meal or something like that, that I feel like it really helps you because I don't I don't care what anyone says. When you are not married and you aren't living together, you always have some type of out.

LaTanya : 34:02

Yeah, right.

Jalen: 34:03

But when you understand the difference between a contract and the covenant, come on, like I know that we are making this commitment with the Lord, and so with us choosing to live together, it's like till that when we gave those vows, and it takes you to be a counselor and to really understand the depth and the weight of those vows to be like, oh, like this is what I'm signing up for. Yeah, do I really want that?

Amber: 34:28

That's it. That's it.

Jalen: 34:30

Do I really want it? That's it.

Amber: 34:31

You hit the nail on the head, hit it on the head again.

Eugene: 34:37

That's it, yeah. No, that's really good. I appreciate that. Yeah, and so when you think about, you know, you guys are a year in a little over year and how many days? A couple more 15 days, right? That's awesome. And so a lot of times, uh, first of all, I saw your child took a another beautiful one-year trip somewhere. So you can tell me about was it compo, where was it? Can'con, okay. And so when you when you look back on year one, a lot of times you can because a lot of times people say, Oh, the Lord told me, but a lot of times you don't know to understand the Lord until you look back and know, like, oh, God handles all over that. So you look back over the first year, give us a couple of examples where you know God was in the midst of it. And how have you grown spiritually because of what happened together?

Amber: 35:32

Great question.

Jalen: 35:34

Yeah, I think early on, I had a few like health scares. I had some like issues with her neck, yeah, and it was something else, and I feel like immediately in those moments, I was just thinking about man, in sickness and in health. Like you know, like early on, like get married, it's fun, it's exciting, as as some will say, the honeymoon period. And so you you have an expectation. There we go. Expectation that everything will be well, everything will be great, there will be no issues, no problem. And if it is, we just gonna brush over it like nothing um ever happened. But like those were moments where, you know, given our circumstances at the time, working in the city and being further away from home, and we're having these health scares. I'm like, okay, this is a moment where she is top priority. So I'm going to, you know, my med, I'm leaving. I need to go check on my wife because I've been passed out once at home, need to go home and check on her. And so flying across the highway to get home to ensure that she's okay, she's well, um, has the medication, has all the things that she needs at home, taking her to the doctor's office and all of the things that went it went into it. And I think like that was like a moment early where I'm like, okay, this is time for me to step up and time for me to show up and for her to see that. Um, and like in even in the midst of it, you know, just trusting God in it as well. Leading your household. Yep, come on. Leading your household.

Amber: 37:16

Come on, yes, yeah. And I think something else that that came up as well, we we both are in new positions for work. And so that process going through it, it was it was testing because he went through several rounds and of of interviews and just keeping him encouraged through that, especially knowing the place that he was in with his previous job. So that took a lot of processes, yeah. That took a lot of faith and and and and just trusting that God was gonna see us through it together and that it was gonna work out, and and it did. So amen.

LaTanya : 38:00

Yeah, it's so great when you're able to have be in a place where the person who you're doing these vows with now, you can trust them through that process and lean on that. That's kind of the building of that, of that team, of that, you know, that winning team, and to know how you're going to show up, how you're going to lead, how you now have said this is now the priority. And I I often share with um with wives, and you talked about how you have to often have to encourage Jalen during that process. Um, often our voices have so much weight. The words that we say, um, and I think particularly as women, I think there's there's a space, it is something when um Eugene encourages me. Like I if I need a cheerleader like he is down for the cause, but I also understood the weight of my voice. And it was often times when there was some some hard times that I that literally God would shut my mouth. Like I could, I I often give the example of how I sometimes would feel the words in my throat because he didn't need me to hear that. He needed to hear God at that moment, and there was a and I don't even know if I knew as deep spiritually that that what it was, but I'm like, no, I'm I'm ready to say this. I'm mad, I'm about to pop off and and and pop him off on his behalf, not you know, necessarily at him, but I wanted to be mad. But it was like, nope, shut your mouth. And and I heard God tell me your voice has weight. And so it either has weight to destroy him or it has weight to encourage him. So keep using those words to to do that thing, to speak into um into your marriage and being prayerful over what that looks like because it is. It's we our voices have a lot of weight on them and change decisions, you know. So I have to, if I'm out here saying something, I gotta make sure that I can stand on business of that if I'm gonna change my mind in some way, um, because I do know that that influenced in a in a good way. Like I don't use it in manipulation, like I'm not using it to manipulate him, but like God, who does he need to hear and what does he need to hear? And who, how does he need me to show up at this time? Um, because there were there were seasons, and God always knew how to how to give us the words at the right time, you know. It'll be seasons where it's like, I'm done, you know, and and we often tell the story of we had like it was a financial meltdown. And like I literally melted down in in our live in our uh kitchen. Like, I was like, this ain't how life's supposed to be. He'd be like, We'll be we'll be fine. But later on, I we told this, he told the story though, of how my words made him feel as a man. And I never thought about it in that context. Around like him hearing me say that this situation is horrible, was now questioning his manhood. But we never like literally probably until we started doing this podcast, but again, the weight of those those words, you know. But we always found a way to now come back and now be supportive of one another, like all right, like we didn't melt down at the same time, you know.

Eugene: 41:25

Um, and so that was God's grace, purely God's grace, yeah, yeah. Is that you know, and again, that's when I say looking back on it, because during that financial time we didn't notice, but we would be driving home crying about our situation. And what's crazy is it was even before we you know started to worship at Victory, and we would be listening to Smoky North Cities on our way home, and she would be crying, I would be crying, and then we would get ourselves together before we got home, and then we would be fine for each other, and we didn't know this until years later. We would say once we told the story, and then there were some times where that ride home didn't do it for her, but I was fine, and then there were some times when the ride home didn't do it for me, but she was fine, but God never allowed us in those three or four year period to both be down at the same time. Whenever I was down, she was up, and so we we encouraged each other to say, we can do this, we got this. And so when I look back on that, I'm like, God, you are amazing. Because if if it would have been any moment where we both would have been down, we probably wouldn't be living in Illinois anymore. We probably would have moved back to Michigan, and Lord knows where I would be right now. Like, who knows what we would be doing. And so oftentimes when you talk about expectations, better or worse, rich or poor, sickness and health. People get married for better, for richer, and for health. Right. And and when you're on that wedding day, you're thinking about better, richer health, especially when you put all that money into it.

Jalen: 43:04

It's gotta be good, it got to be good, yeah.

Eugene: 43:11

No, that's real that marriage is not about better, richer health. Marriage is about worse, poorer, and sickness. Because you have to be looking at the person across from you saying, Will they be there? And is this the type of person that I want sitting across from me when things are worse? Yeah, when I'm sick, and when we don't have any money. But usually that's when people say, Oh, I didn't I didn't get married for this. Yes, you did. You did it, you said it.

LaTanya : 43:46

You said it, but a whole lot of witnesses even in the time print. It was the main print. That was the main print.

Eugene: 43:54

Oh, you did, yeah, and so a lot of times, you know, in premarital coaching, like the goal is to get you to think about the worst, the sickness, and the poor. And because if if any inkling of y'all can say, I'm not sure she wants to do this, I'm not sure he wants to do this, then you have an opportunity to say, you know what, let's let's just not before this starts. And so so expectations truly, I think that that's something that I'm excited about to hear, you know, as you all are um entering into year two. So as you enter into year two, what is God saying? What are your expectations as y'all enter into year two?

Jalen: 44:36

I feel like that's what we are actively like talking about and really seeking the Lord for. So I feel like the very question has been like our sentiment or questions that we've asked each other. I feel like the first year, if we were to put a word on that year, um it kind of speaks to what you were talking about, Latani, like finding your rhythm because it's so early. And so I know for me, like year one, I'm like, let's just use like the financial for a standpoint. You know, you're coming into it, and I know prior to marriage, I'm like, I want to get comfortable or build the disciplines in my own, you know, financial stewardship, let alone getting into marriage, and we're combining everything. And so now I have uh the way I said an entire human beings, you know, like to consider on top of mine and putting them together, and she expects and she expects me to lead her instead. I'm like, shoot, I'm the best doing it myself, let alone both of us. And so, you know, that can cause, you know, like some insecurity, and I would be calling it with like look, look seriously, and so just you know, things like that. And so I feel like finding that rhythm financially, finding it emotionally. Um, and like we were just talking about the other day, you know, from even like a physical and sexual standpoint, like what are those expectations? And so, you know, like I talked about me being an early riser and her not being like a sleep. Like, what does this what does that look like?

LaTanya: 46:19

What does that look like?

Jalen: 46:20

Like I ride, it was necessary because if you don't, then you just yeah, like leave disappointed, like okay, and yeah, right, especially me. Like, what about the languages is physical touch? So I'm like, man, you know uh just to rub down my back. Exactly. You know, so a lot of year one is really finding the rhythm. And so lately, you know, transparently the conversations have been okay. We know going in, we said, okay, we want to give ourselves one or two years before we think about children, like enjoy us, travel, get to know each other because we know priorities will shift when you have kids. And you know, we're thinking about our educational trajectories, right? Wanting to go back and pursue degrees, and so being prayerful on who's going back first. Are we both gonna be back in school? You know, we have new jobs, and so it's a lot of different factors and variables that we're considering. But all in all, I think the expectation for this next year is to really put our heads down and to grind, to really grind, you know, to to save, to pay down the debts and really grow. And so I feel like that's what a lot of our conversations have looked like lately.

Eugene: 47:40

Yes. Yeah, it's interesting. I'm sorry, Amber, I'll let you talk first.

Amber: 47:44

Oh no, go ahead, go ahead.

Eugene: 47:45

Um it's one of those moments where you say put your head down and grind, but what I heard is put your head down and pray. Yeah, because I I did, and you said grind, but you know, one of the scriptures that we have adopted in this season is commit your plans to the Lord and they will be established. And I think if I would have heard that and understood that early on, I would not have grind so much. And so I think in early on, we spent a lot of time figuring. Well, I spent a lot of time trying to prove it to myself and to her that I was worthy of being the man of the house and that I could do it. And and again, this is hindsight thinking about it because I didn't have the relationship with the Lord that I have today, and so you know, so what the other thing that has happened is that I have evolved and changed, she has evolved and changed, um, not only spiritually, but emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. And so um, you all are learning each other still while learning yourself because now that you're in the context of marriage, marriage is actually revealing to you more who you are and who God has called you to be. And so before you were pursuing God's purpose for your life and God's purpose for your life, and now he's saying, All right, now it's time for y'all to move forward together. Yeah, and so I heard a I heard I don't know who it was. So whoever's get credit, get credit, but he was talking about in the context of marriage. He said, one plus one doesn't equal two, one plus one equals eleven. And I was like, bro, like that's crazy. I'm like, that don't even make sense, and so I dismissed it. I was in a premarital coaching session the other day, and I was like, Oh, yeah, I got it because because if you think about it, you are one, she is one. God didn't say bring part of you together and bring He said, Yes, the two shall become one, but the two shall become one unit. You still are who you are, and so when you bring your whole self together and your whole self together, one and one coming together is 11. It's not it's not, and so now when you come together, there's so much more that you need to that you need to consider and think about when you're trying to bring your two worlds together, and so I was like, man, that is like a great revelation. Yes, oftentimes people try to they try to one and one coming together, and so what happens is people fight because they feel like they're losing themselves, and when you feel like you're losing yourselves, I can't submit to that. But if you all create a space as you're getting to know each other where you can still be you, and you can still be you because that's what God is expecting for you to be who you are, and now when you come into it, y'all both are whole when you come in, but you create something completely different that God can then use that's way more than what you would have done if you were just as individuals. And so my prayer is that when you put your head down in this second year, that it won't have to be a grind, but it'll be a revelation of what God wants to do. And then when God reveals it to you, then your helpmate can come alongside you and as as God has designed her to do it, and then y'all can move forward together with all that God has given. And so I'm I'm really excited, I'm really excited about about what God is doing because I think the other thing that people miss is the evolution of self. And the one thing I really value, because you said I don't know if education is first, like she went back to school first to get her master's, and I was like, What's what's that master's thing you're doing?

LaTanya : 52:03

In our first year of marriage, first year of marriage, broke, yeah, first year of marriage. Yeah, I was kind of in school, and I was finishing up okay first year, first year of marriage.

Eugene: 52:16

Maybe I'll maybe I'll do that too. So then I went back and started getting you know to get my master's, and so she's graduating, and now I'm I'm in the middle of it. And then she like, yeah, then you know, then we had a baby. It was like, oh man, wait, baby, you think I'm having a baby? And then the middle of him finishing school. Then it was like, baby, new rhythm. Oh, wait a minute, new rhythm. Every two years, new rhythm inside of the rhythm. Every two years, there was something that happened in our marriage that made it go, that made our rhythm shift. But you had to be open to that rhythm. And so once we saw it, we were like, every two years, two years, we bought a house in the middle of that rhythm. And then right when we were like, All right, we're we're expecting we're having a baby, then I gotta tap on my shoulder and say, Hey, y'all gotta move to Illinois. I'm like, and so it's like the rhythm, but at the same time, as I look back on it, it was a rhythm that it was submitted to the will of God because every single time, because we committed our plans to the Lord, and again, this is hindsight, we we were very clear when to say no. But it but it was not always clear when to say yes, but it was like that's not it, that's not it. Oh wait, this is it. And so you would know oh yeah, this is God, and then we would say yes, didn't know what it was for, but we'd be like, All right, here we go. So so that's my prayer for you is that if you put the head down, that's great, right? That's great.

LaTanya : 53:37

And I'll as we are wrapping up, um, I want to first just say, like, thank you all for for doing this. And I think for so many reasons, your story, and we didn't even like get to meet anything. We will, just like yes, we got it. We got we got more with with Joneses, but um, I think for me, what's so encouraging, um, having a young adult um who really looks up to both of you all. Um I think it's encouraging to see young people love love. Yeah, um, and committing to marriage in a godly way, um, committing to um being in a partnership and being in because a lot of what you all talked about um was about building the Jones Team Jones. Um we always gonna have some team related things here. Um so like always building Team Jones. And so I think for again, as I mentioned earlier, just um culturally, you you don't you don't see what what you all have, and I think for me that was one of the reasons why I really wanted you all on the podcast from a um you know a gin. Are y'all Gen Z? What are y'all? What are y'all?

Jalen: 55:02

Why I think we're the start of the city. Here we're the start.

LaTanya : 55:06

A millennial. So I actually like the millennium. I actually like to see it. But I clean the millennials.

Jalen: 55:10

I clean millennials.

LaTanya : 55:13

You in there. Um with y'all. I just I just love the babies.

Eugene: 55:29

Um, we were talking about terminator. We were talking about something over there. And they were like, oh, we're gonna borrow it.

LaTanya : 55:42

I think we're gonna make it like uh even more yet. Yeah, we wanna born like moving on from that conversation and make us feel like five million years old. But we still love you. We love that with us. You know, um, but I think because it goes such against um my point was like what is going against culturally, and so my prayer is that um because you're telling your stories and that we'll be able to share, share this, that it will give hope to um, you know, to young people that love is still love, loving, you know, love is still loving. Um and that it's still important to um, you know, be in a partnership with someone and it's not and I'm in partnership and I'm not in a what you can do for me or what I can do for you, that then that's transactional. Yes, that it's not what you are showing that you're not transactional, right? But that you're relational. And so um I just pray that you continue to show that and that continues to um exude into the airways and into spaces, even into the young people that you uh serve with in, you know, in in youth ministry. I think that's it's amazing for them to see you serving and serving together um in in ministry um because you get to be that example and showing something different. So um we love the Joneses and are so grateful um for you to be um in your first year, to be our first guest. Come on, so first um and that you are um you know that God continues to bless and keep um you all in your marriage and where you're going next. Um, and so um so I thank you for that.

Eugene: 57:34

And and and to that point, we will have them back because there's a huge generational gap between us and them. And I believe a huge, huge game. Yeah, I'll be old. But I'm just saying that there's a lot of opportunity for uh for us to learn because who we are as a couple and and how we got together and what they actually faced during this day and age, we will talk about that on a future episode. So stay tuned. So again, Jalen Amber, thank y'all so much for being on the WG with the podcast. Any closing thoughts? Anything y'all want to share with the people? You know, handles are where they find y'all think closing. Handles.

Jalen: 58:15

I'm saying closing. I I really love just the concept. I told y'all this offline, just the concept of the podcast, and I feel like it's something that we've been able to adopt in our own marriage when being former athletes that we are able to you know approach marriage as a team. Like it's it means a lot, and so we appreciate the example that y'all have set for us and so many others that tune in and that subscribe. And so, thank y'all, because we are definitely building a winning team for sure. Because we are not the only willing team.

Eugene: 58:51

If you're married, you can be a winning team too. Look out for merch, don't be still in our stuff. But God bless, and y'all have a good day. Peace. Peace.