She's The PRIZE...He's a GIFT!

Girl dad's proclaim that their daughters are THE PRIZE, but as parents of a son, we declare that he is A GIFT.

A Prize

• Implies winning or achieving something: A prize is often earned or sought after. It can suggest a competitive or transactional element.
• Focus on external validation: The value of a prize is often determined by others' perceptions.
• Can create pressure: Labeling someone as a "prize" might inadvertently put pressure on them to maintain a certain image or standard.

A Gift

• Implies unconditional love and acceptance: A gift is freely given without expectation of return.
• Focus on intrinsic value: The worth of a gift is often found in its uniqueness and the thoughtfulness behind it.
• Promotes gratitude and appreciation: Recognizing someone as a gift fosters a sense of gratitude for their presence in one's life.

Are you preparing your daughters to know how to receive the gift of my son (or young men such as him)?

During this podcast, you will get the opportunity to meet Micah Gatewood, our first guest, as he shares his transformative experience from High Point University to Bradley University. Discover how Micah navigated freshman year, grew as a sports announcer, and prepared for the abundant opportunities that await him at Bradley’s prominent Sports Communication program. You’ll get a firsthand account of his ambitions, the challenges of maintaining personal values, and his enthusiasm for joining diverse clubs and internships.

Modern dating is a maze, and we’re here to guide you through it. Compare romantic gestures and communication styles from the 90s to today's trends, and understand the frustrations young men face with mixed signals in the dating scene. Through engaging anecdotes and discussions, we unravel how social media and music shape behaviors, the importance of authentic connections, and the role of mutual support and understanding in relationships. If you’ve ever wondered how to stay true to yourself while navigating modern dating's pressures, this conversation is a must-listen.

Building a strong relationship in college? We’ve got you covered. We tackle everything from aligning personal values with your partner to balancing career aspirations with personal growth. Explore the significance of love languages and the power of trust and patience in relationships. Plus, get practical advice on time management and effective communication to achieve a fulfilling relationship and personal success. With heartfelt reminders of faith and divine timing, this episode is a treasure trove of insights for anyone seeking meaningful connections.

Host
Eugene Gatewood
- Website - https://eugenegatewood.com
- YouTube: @Original_Mentor
- Facebook: @Eugene.Gatewood
- Instagram: @Original_Mentor
-TikTok: @elgatewood

LaTanya Gatewood
- Facebook: @LaTanya.Gatewood
- Instagram: @reddingl

Podcast Music by Micah Gatewood

Chapters

• 0:06 College Student Prepares for Year Two
• 11:39 Modern Dating Trends and Expectations
• 17:30 Navigating Modern Dating Expectations
• 24:29 Impact of Social Media on Relationships
• 37:17 Building Healthy Relationships in College
• 44:36 The Power of Love and Trust
• 48:12 Navigating Modern Dating and Relationships
• 53:35 Navigating Modern Dating and Relationships Expectations

Transcript

Eugene: 0:06

Welcome to episode 11 of the Winning Team Podcast. I am Eugene.

LaTanya : 0:17

I am Latonya and.

Micah: 0:19

I'm Micah.

Eugene: 0:19

And we have a special guest today for y'all Our first guest. Our first guest, micah Gatewood, live in the flesh. What's up, man? Hey, how are you? I'm doing good, happy to be here, doing good, exciting. So you have completed your first year of college and on your way into your second year of college, so tell us a little bit about your first year, my first year.

Micah: 0:50

It was very eventful, very exciting, and it was a good experience, a lot of great opportunities for not only me, but also for my future career as a broadcast journalist me, but also for my future career as a broadcast journalist and I got to be able to broadcast and do and do color commentary, not only for two actual basketball games, one for men's and women's, but I also was able to have the opportunity to do a Big South tournament game for the women's side, which is a very great experience and I know it's going to look really good on my resume.

Eugene: 1:31

Yes, we want that, we want that.

Micah: 1:33

That money. Besides that, I think it's been really fun. I mean, of course, I got to see the party side of the college and, to be very honest with you, it's not how it is in the movies.

Eugene: 1:47

It's not as good as it is in the movies. Oh okay, We'll talk a little bit more about that later.

Micah: 1:54

The people. It was a little so-so. I had friends. I had friends like my roommate. Shout out Aaron, love you, aaron, all the way.

Eugene: 2:02

Love you. Love you, aaron, all the way, love you, aaron, all the way from NC.

Micah: 2:05

I'm gonna come back and visit, by the way and uh all my friends, my friend group, uh Chris Nate you got to name names.

Micah: 2:13

You're gonna forget, like all my, like some of my friends shout out shout out to all, all the people there and all the friends I made there and I mean that I love, I love those guys to death. But also there was people that I met there that weren't really that you know, weren't really all that, and it kind of steered my path around, kind of being a little avoidant towards those people. I knew they weren't going to be right for me. And same with the party situation, me being a Christian myself, and I didn't really indulge in the things they did and I was pressured to do it but I chose not to and some people took it respectfully and some people judged me for it. But at the end of the day it was my decision and it doesn't really matter what they say. It's what I thought in my heart and what I follow and stay sober minded.

Eugene: 3:17

Amen, so yeah. So because of that, you know your first year was at High Point University. Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I know so many more. I love the opportunities that you had, and so now you're transferring to Bradley University for your second year, so tell me what you're looking forward to for your second year at Bradley University.

Micah: 3:36

I'm looking forward to their Sports Comm program, because they're one of the only schools that actually have a whole school destined for Sportscom.

Eugene: 3:46

They're dedicated to it.

Micah: 3:47

Dedicated to it. I'm very excited for that. I'm very excited for the internship opportunities because in the summer there's opportunity for field trips to the Bears, the Bulls, the Cubs, white Sox and the Blackhawks. So it'll be good exposure for not only because I mean I love basketball, I want to do basketball, do color commentary and play a lot of play for the Bulls and especially basketball whatever team that God graces me to be upon to do commentary but it'll give me exposure to other sports and see how the setup for that will work and I'm very excited for that.

Micah: 4:28

I'm very excited for the clubs, because there's a lot more clubs than high point had to offer not a rag on them, but still it's.

Micah: 4:37

It's a.

Micah: 4:37

They had a whole app called be involved and I saw a lot of not only not on the sports side, because of course I saw In Real Flight Football, which I'm one that was very interested in club basketball, and In Real Basketball, which I'm going to incorporate in my schedule through the weeks, and also different clubs like Mike Check that's a music-related one and me being a producer and artist and songwriter.

Micah: 5:07

That's very, uh vital to me because it gives me more exposure and more insight on people who do different things within music and it can set up connections for the future. So I can not only uh, improve myself on the sports commentary side, broadcasting side and all the journalism side, but also I can improve myself on my music side and improve my songwriting, lyricism, beat making and like recording and making it, making my beats sound like they're actually in a studio and they're more sound, more professional, same with like both sides and I'm very I mean, maybe a few person and very extroverted. I'm also excited to just meet new people and, um, a lot of people. I know that hopefully it's a better experience and I meet a lot of good people because I know I'm in the LLC program for Bradley um what is LLC?

Eugene: 6:10

is that the innovation and problem solving program?

Micah: 6:12

yes, it is okay and uh, there's a lot of workshops that we're gonna do to open our minds to what. What things can we do to make the world a better place, and I'm very, very excited for that. There's a lot of good, great things and great events that they're setting up, the coordinators are setting up where we all get involved and do projects. Not only do projects, but also do like fun stuff, like go to the movies, just go out, yeah, I saw you go to make networking.

Eugene: 6:43

I saw that you're going to go to Caterpillar. I saw that you're going to also go to an innovation lab, where it's a bunch of entrepreneurs who are starting doing startup and who there, of course it's. The program is all about how to be more innovative, so you're going to meet with people who are very innovative and creative and learn how to have your own inventions Amazing program. I'm excited for you about that, good man.

LaTanya : 7:15

Well, wait, I think you didn't say the most important part, oh yeah, I'm going to have a single dorm.

Micah: 7:21

No, that's not.

LaTanya : 7:23

That is a good point.

Eugene: 7:24

Yes.

LaTanya : 7:24

But that you're going to be two hours away from your place, oh, yeah, I'm very close. See, that was the thing. That was the last thing.

Eugene: 7:32

I had to remind him that you're going to be closer to your place. You don't care about being closer to us, and that's okay.

Micah: 7:38

My feelings are not hurt.

LaTanya : 7:39

Slow on a totem pole down here. They're nuts.

Eugene: 7:44

They're nuts, but that's exciting. I mean it sounds like you have already had many opportunities to grow, to expand. I mean, as your parents, I mean we're proud of you, we're extremely proud of you, Absolutely, and you know we've been talking about what's in your future for a very, very long time.

Micah: 8:03

Since, like I, was nine years old.

Eugene: 8:05

Yeah, easily, easily.

Micah: 8:07

Not only me, but all my friends too.

Eugene: 8:09

And that was a.

Micah: 8:10

If they get them on here, they would say the same thing.

Eugene: 8:14

Well, you know, it wasn't just about your future. I mean, we know that our purpose on this planet is to help other people, especially students and kids, to realize their greatest potential, and so it's our honor and our pleasure to do it for everybody, but especially for you as our son. So we're just extremely proud of you and extremely excited. And so what's amazing is that we've decided the next, the way to kick this off. Probably the next three or four podcasts are going to be on parenting, and so we decided, you know what? Well, how about we have Micah here in the flesh on the camera, on the audio, so that everybody can see who you are? You know we're proud of you and I'm sure everybody will. Everybody will see just how proud we are of you and why we're proud of you. Let me let me back up.

Eugene: 9:12

So, mom and I have been having this conversation with many people, because oftentimes, many of the people we hear them talking about, um, the girl being the prize. We hear them talking about how their daughters are the prize. But as a boy dad and as a boy mom, we often feel the same way, and so we know that you have been preparing and praying to be very successful in what God has blessed you with. Even as we talk about what's in your future, we famously have you say that my future is my responsibility. So it wasn't even about us forcing you to do what we needed you to do. We wanted you to discover God for yourself, to have your own personal relationship with God for yourself, so that you can trust in him with all your heart, lean to, not your own understanding and all your ways. Acknowledge him and he would direct your path. But in that you have a desire to you know on this path to find a life partner and to find somebody that's doing it. So we've had, we've had.

Eugene: 10:27

Say it again, you know you're real, but I mean, we know that you're only a sophomore, so we're not necessarily trying to do that at this very moment, but we start talking about just commonly, over dinner. We sometimes talk about dating and what the dating scene looks like, and you've said to me that the advice that I give don't work, and so I thought that was kind of funny and so in my mind I'm like boy, you're a good catch, but of course I'm biased because I'm your dad, she's your mom, so of course we're going to think you know, you are an amazing young man with goals, with vision, with with values, christian young man, and we're trying to raise you up, you know, because, as for us, in our house, we will serve the Lord, but you telling me that ain't working. So I want you to give me some examples of what is some advice that I've given you, that you've tried out there. Give me some examples of what is some advice that I've given you, that you've tried out there.

Micah: 11:28

That just ain't work. I gotta think back this lot. He told my head off a lot.

LaTanya : 11:33

I was gonna say what was a lot that he told you a lot, or well, just give an example.

Eugene: 11:39

So what's the difference you think between dating now and and dating us back when we dated like what? Yeah, what do you think the main difference now in dating?

Micah: 11:49

I mean from seeing it in movies, a lot of movies like it took time to for like the 90s, 90s, like seeing all the movies. I love basketball I love that movie by the way, it's my favorite movie of all time Singing and loving basketball and different scenarios like that. I've seen the guy being very, very polite and very kind, very sweet towards the girl and at first the girl would be like oh, this is kind of nice, this is nice, it's pretty cute.

Micah: 12:21

And then over the days they start to, the guy would try to do a lot more and more to try to get the girl's attention, which kind of actually does relate to, uh, modern day now, because the guy does want to do a lot for the girl.

Eugene: 12:36

but it's backed up more. Now, what do you mean about backed up more?

Micah: 12:41

uh, you know how back in the back in 90s a guy would get a girl flowers and they would show it to her door with like candy or flowers, give it to her. But if a guy did that now, the girl just was like why are you trying?

Eugene: 12:56

so hard. So why do you think that's different now? Have you tried that, or have you had experience with that, or have you? Is that something that you heard or that you've seen?

Micah: 13:06

I've heard I've seen it a lot uh where girls love when a guy gives her flowers. Like I've seen it all over my snapchat stories my friends, some of my girl best friends, say I love flowers and then some girls, on the other hand, are like don't give me flowers, I'm not going to accept it.

Eugene: 13:24

I'm like Okay, so think about your experience. Think about your experience, like, tell us, tell us more about, like, something that we've taught or just something about, based on who you are as a young man. And then when you're trying to be nice as it sounds like you're saying you're being nice to a female or to a young lady and when you're being nice to a young lady, and when you're being nice to a young lady, like what has been their response?

Micah: 13:50

when you have been nice to them, cry responses. And I've been, I'm nice and I act like hey, how you doing. I'm named michael nice to meet you. They're like hi I'm good, how are you?

Micah: 14:02

I'm like, well, tell everybody just to lay out like I want to get to know you better and they're just like I do nothing, like I don't know. They say they're hobbies. I'm like, okay, cool, and it's really like I'm the one kind of like carrying the conversation and I feel more interested in talking to the girl. But if I I noticed this too if I say something and like I and they respond and I help hold back a little bit, I see more like interesting responses. But when I answer quickly, I get the kind of I get the notion that girls think that's thirsty. Because I've talked to my girl best friends and they say they like fast replies. But at the same time some of my girl best friends have told me when a guy responds super fast, I feel like they have nothing to do and they have, they just want to text me all day well, based on how we started this conversation.

Eugene: 15:06

You have a lot going on in your life, but so you're saying that if you find someone that you're just genuinely interested in and so you pursue her and you show her that you're interested, chances are that she's not gonna like that if you tell her, if you show genuine interest. So instead you have to not respond to her and not text her back or call her back or not even, or act like she don't even exist. Act like she don't exist.

Micah: 15:34

And then she'll be like why? Why'd you stop talking to me, do you like? Do you not like me anymore? What'd I do? Y'all got to help me with that. That is confusing, so I don't know if this is confusing.

Eugene: 15:43

So I don't know if this is true, I don't know if this is true for everybody, but and I remember oftentimes when we'll be talking and I'll be telling you, like, and there may be a time where there may have been a young lady that you were very interested in and then she did go away, and I'm like, bro, like, and I'm constantly encouraging you that like, bro, trust me, there, there are young ladies out there that are searching and your response will be but where they at, that's the like cause I know, talking to my friends, like man, I'm a girl out there, Like I told him, like talking to my girls and talking to my girl, best friends and God, best friends, talking to my homies saying, like man, like I want a girl bro, I'm like don't worry, don't trip.

Micah: 16:23

And I have to talk to my girl problems. They're like don't trip, bro, the right ones are out there for you. There's playing fishing to see. Don't ever in your life say that statement again.

Eugene: 16:33

Because that, because you lie where they at well, they're out there, and that's the part and again, I understand that that's maybe how you feel, but that's my question is that when I think about cause, I'm cause here's the thing not trying to put your business out on the street, but like that's a conversation that we commonly have options, because on the reverse side there'll be some young ladies that you'll be talking to, that you'll then find out that her values may not match your values, and then, therefore, you stop talking to her, and so there may be other young ladies who have pursued you and I'm not trying to put your business out on the street, but you know we joke but they may want you for reasons that you're just not quite ready for yet, and so so you decide to to hold back. And so the question that I had is that, you know, I understand that many are saying that their daughters are the prize before as a, as a father and a mother, a mother, we're we're wondering, like where are those girls? And how do we create an environment where, cause, where where the two of you can meet, Cause I know they're out there, Cause I'm talking to a lot of these girl dads who are saying that they're looking, that they want their daughters to find young men who have these qualities, and as they're naming those qualities, I'm like, yeah, that sounds like my son. But then I'm wondering like why can't? What is it about you that you all can't find each other? That's one.

Eugene: 18:15

And then, secondly, there's a whole nother crop of young ladies that you tell me about where you're like, hey, I was talking to her and then she did this or she did that, and I'm like whoa. And so if, as I, and then as I'm on social media the same as you, I'm listening to all of these people talk about their girl is the prize, their daughter is the prize, their daughter is the prize. But my question is is who's preparing the daughters to as we're preparing you to be a gentleman, a priest, provider and protector of their daughter, who's preparing the daughters to be the helpmate, the guide, the woman of God, the partner for you? And I know that they say they're a gift, but you have another. I mean that they're the prize, but you have another theory about that.

LaTanya : 19:01

Yeah, I like to say that my son is a gift, you know, because prizes they can come and go and a prize is you usually are paying for that, and then it may not be what you have to. You may have to pay to get a bigger one, and I think we'll talk about that in just a little bit. Whereas a gift is given from the, from the heart, it's a special present to them and so it shouldn't cost. It shouldn't cost you a whole lot. It should be something that adds value to who you are and who you are as a person, and so I like to say that you know that you are a gift. Like and again I know women we like to say, oh, I'm the prize, and we say, oh, I like this too, I'm the prize, but like, no, I want to be a gift, I want to be wrapped in.

LaTanya : 20:02

When you're thinking about a gift get appreciated and it is something that I know that when it was given to me, when you give me a gift, I know you thought about it. I know there's intentionality around what you gave and you wanted to make me feel like I'm seen, heard and appreciated when I get a gift, and so that's what I feel for you when I get a gift, and so that's what I feel for you Like, I feel like you are a gift to someone because of your values, because of how you want to care for a young lady and how you want to have a family and your how you're God fearing, and so I think that's a gift and I feel like you get a prize anywhere, but you can't get a gift.

Eugene: 20:44

I agree and I have an analogy that I was thinking about and oftentimes when I think about, when I hear I'm a prize, I'm a prize, I'm a prize Like I was thinking about, I say, see the point, because you know that's where we grew up. But I know you would say Six Flags. But I'm just going to say an amusement park.

Eugene: 21:03

So I'm thinking about when you're at an amusement park and I'll say there's times when I walk up and I'll see a prize on the wall and that prize will become attractive to us because it's big, it's, it has all of the features that we're attracted to. Come on, go with me, go with me, just go with me in the analogy. And so you see this prize and so, as a man, you're attracted to that prize. So you go up to it and you decide to pay to play the game. Play the game. I'm putting up air quotes so that you can win this big, beautiful prize. And so then you put your money down to pay for this prize and then you do what's necessary in order to win For me it's usually shooting a basket and then I win.

Eugene: 21:47

But then, after I win, the person behind the counter reaches down and gives me this little baby prize, not the prize that I first saw.

Eugene: 21:57

And so I feel like, as you and I have talked like often, like there's a game that you play and you think you're going to win this big, pretty beautiful prize that's up here. But once you get to know the situation and the game more, you realize, in order for me to get that. I got to play this game again and again and again and again to have the opportunity for the big prize that I thought I saw, but really, once I started to get in the situation, I realized that I'm asking myself is this prize really worth it? And so I think that's the question that we really have to really contemplate. As a dad raising a young man, is that I know that we are doing everything in our power to prepare him to seek God, to desire to be respectful and loving, so that you can find who God has created or who is preparing them for. For someone like you and that's the part that I'm not sure, because in this world of social media, I know that it's it's important- but I'm sorry, go ahead, maya.

LaTanya : 23:48

Social media. But you know, there was our influences. Each generation has its influences of what impacts what you wear, say, hear, dress and I think, even your concept of dating. You know, during our time one of the key terminologies was a gold digger. You know, I don't want to be a gold digger, um, but so that same frame of mind, I think, is still um, that's still a term, but it probably looks different.

Micah: 24:12

But I think yeah, it made it like more out there in the early 2000s, where even jamie fox made that song exactly exactly, but I think social media plays a major part in in dating.

LaTanya : 24:29

And so what is that? How has social media impacted your dating journey?

Eugene: 24:35

Because your because your block game is very strong and I want to know how is social media impacted it, because I don't know if you really he really knows to get, because he doesn't have a comparison anything before social media to compare it to. So you can still answer the question. But the other thing that they're throwing there is that you also block people really really fast. And so tell me, tell us what is dating like when you have access to social media and tell us why you block your block game so strong man, where do I start?

Micah: 25:07

um so keep it general. This is short got it all right.

Micah: 25:14

So one thing I really really see from looking at all social media is music, and man does music have a big benefiting factor within the dating realm benefiting or just influence big influence correction influence, like you have a lot of female rappers that really influence how these, some of these women act not all, not all, just some, because a good amount of them I've seen do not like some of the artists female artists that are out here right now and I see all over social media some girls post a song that's set that's preaching super toxic and non-monogamous things towards relationships, and there's one I saw of a woman talking about all the places that she doesn't want to get taken on the first date. The first one was Cheesecake Factory.

Eugene: 26:11

Yeah, I remember that.

Micah: 26:12

That's one of the fanciest restaurants I've been to. The food is stupendous. Chicken Alfredo, by the way, is excellent.

Eugene: 26:21

But I think you're right. That's the difference in values, like that's values and I's values, and music could influence, but again, those are women who have those values and those standards and all I'm saying is I don. But my question is where I know the majority of the women out there would be fine if you took them to Cheesecake Factory, but how do you find them in the sea of women who are on the internet? That is that doesn't think that's okay. I'm sorry, keep going. I didn't mean to interrupt you that's all good your block game is where we were going next.

Micah: 27:06

Yeah, I just watch how people move and seeing how they act, because I've seen certain situations with girls, I've seen the way how they act towards me, which is very nice, very cordial, very sweet, very cordial, very sweet. But when I bring my friends around or when she's around other people, they start to act very mean towards them and I'm like, um, what's going on here? And that kind of just the character, kind of like expresses yourself right there, like how are you going to be nice to me but mean to everybody else? And that just made me, it makes me look into the future of like expresses yourself right there, like how are you gonna be nice to me but mean to everybody else? And that that just made me. It makes me look into the future of like is this how you're gonna act in front of my parents, in front of my whole family, in front of my boss, in front of other people that are very important to my life?

Micah: 28:01

And I don't want it. I don't want that to be. I don't want to be at the get the low end of the stick because of the fact and how she's acting towards other people. And I know it's gonna. Well, this is where the feather flock together. It's gonna be an impact on me too, because people are gonna think that I'm like that too, unless Unless it's the people I know. Yeah.

LaTanya : 28:26

So I mean, I think that's key right there, like you've got to, I think, being aware of what you see in a person and we often talk about your block game, because dad be like, well, just give him an opportunity. And I'm like, well, look, he see something, feel something, so it must be something.

Micah: 28:48

Even though my phrase is, His phrase is if it don't feel right, smell right, taste right, it ain't right and I say that's the same thing for a young and she's probably going to say that tomorrow when we on the street.

LaTanya : 28:56

Yes, I am. But I think that's the same thing in relationships If it don't want you tasting anything and it's not right, like you have to listen to what's inside of you, and so we often do try to tell you like, have some balance with it, because you be like nope, you left that wrong. Nope, don't feel right, I'm out of here. But I also want you. If there is something internally in you that's saying this is not for me because of character, or because of attitude, or because of if this is how you treat this person, will this look like? What will this look like when I do something that that person does? I think those are all key things to keep in mind when you are in a relationship or looking to build a relationship with someone. So you know, a lot of adults don't have that. You know where they into early into adulthood, and so the fact that you're building that muscle now, I think is really important. As you, you know, continue to seek the young lady that is is for you.

Eugene: 30:09

I think you have done a phenomenal job of of doing the work. You have persevered through so much physically, mentally, emotionally and it wasn't easy during times it was. It was hard, but you've done the work. I mean, you've done the work by getting closer to God. You've done the work by talking to us. You've done the work by going through therapy. You've done the work, and what that's done is it's caused you to be so much more stable and, for a more technical term, you've developed what many call emotional intelligence, and so you're still developing it. But it's helped you to have a desire for deeper connections, and I'm just not sure in this day and age how much people of your age are ready or mature enough to handle deeper connections, because you got to have things like empathy and desire intimacy and know how to support one another.

Micah: 31:15

I don't know about desire, intimacy. That's a big thing nowadays.

Eugene: 31:20

Well, intimacy is not doesn't necessarily mean sexuality. Intimacy is is a desire to see inside someone, not not just having a relationship with them physically, because I know you and I. But I'm saying that when you have emotional intelligence and you start to desire deeper connections because you want to know who a person is. But, as you said, as soon as you start asking some young ladies about who they are, that throws them off and they're like why are you asking about who I am? And they think that you're just trying to go too fast. Some think that they may see that as corny, whatever it is. But emotional intelligence also allows you to get to a place where you effectively communicate. You try to build stronger relationships. It's a place where you've become more self-aware because you've done what's necessary for personal growth and development so that you can have peace and happiness within yourself. But when you go through it and you do that work, your radar is so high for a person who's going to bring discord into your life, and so I understand it a hundred times over that when you can discern like this person is not going to be peaceful. And if I've done all of this work to have peace, I'm not going to allow you to destroy that, to disturb that peace. So I'm going to block you and cut you off before you, before you come and disturb the peace. Served a piece.

Eugene: 33:08

Now, the reason why I often push back is because I think that it's also a muscle to be developed, that everybody's not going to come perfect. Now I'm not saying that everybody needs to be attached to you, because there are some people that are going to try to come and attach themselves, but they're not assigned to you, and so I don't want them attaching themselves and becoming leeches and sucking the life out of you. I want you to be able to discern is this person someone that's supposed to be assigned to me? And if they are, then that means that sometimes you're going to have to. You will be willing and understand that it becomes a part of your assignment to help them to grow, to help them to develop and you persevere through it, because no one's going to be perfect. But I'd sometimes want you to figure out how to work through those things which you'd be like nah, bro, I don't talk to them no more. I cut them off a long time ago. So you know, I think emotional intelligence is very important, but to close this out, we're going to ask a couple more questions.

Eugene: 34:03

But when you're thinking about, you know about. You know school. When you're thinking about your purpose you talked a lot about in the beginning you know sports broadcast. You got some goals that you're trying to achieve and, as, as you've said, I mean there's been people who were desiring for you to you know put them as the priority, even over your future, and you block them and cut them off too. So I understand that you do have a focus and desire and your goal is not to necessarily find a wife right now. That's not what you're trying to do. But what type of young lady like are you looking for? What type of young lady are you preparing for at this time? So give me some of the qualities that you're actually looking for.

Micah: 34:49

Of course, the first thing is God fearing.

Eugene: 34:51

Why is that important?

Micah: 34:53

Because I mean just from us talking, I know marriage is a connection not only with another person, but it's a connection with God as well, not only with another person, but his connection with God as well. And with that, having us me and the woman I'm going to be with in the future us both having a godly connection and a relationship with Christ, that's a big thing because we can both not only help each other individually grow with Christ, but we can grow together as Christ. And it's said in scripture, um two joined into one is a big thing, because that's that's going to be very prosperous. For a relationship to last very, very long, okay, and not only that also like a woman that's very positive and very enthusiastic about not even not like within themselves, like joyful, but also just like it has a positive outlook on life, because I don't want a woman that has a negative mindset and is always a downer on things and like I don't want one bad thing to happen in a relationship and her immediately spiraling downhill.

Micah: 36:11

Because that's a problem I had and by the grace of God, I got therapy and I had. I built myself to think more positively now and I got more mentally stronger with looking at the positive side of things and I want that for my future woman woman as well, because then we can both work things out and not and not say, oh, this is going to turn out bad, but also turn it into what can we do to make this look better than it may not seem? And another big quality bad quality that I like to have in a woman is that I like I mean I'm very affectionate and with my past I haven't. There's been times where I've it's been one-sided and it's been like 90 and 10%, with like me being one side, showing the affection, her just only showing a little bit, and that kind of like turns me away from her.

Eugene: 37:17

You want somebody to match your energy.

Micah: 37:18

Yeah, match my energy, like I look like. That's the. That's the phrase we use nowadays.

Micah: 37:22

I want someone to match my energy but no hugging, no effect yeah, like a girl that's affectionate, and because I mean going into love language, because that's a big thing also um, that when I talk to a lot of women they're interested in that and like, because they've always asked me, what's your, what's your love language? And like mine's physical touch and words of affirmation. I did the test myself and I've seen that I'm like, yeah, I do agree with that, because I'm very affectionate, I love, I'm very, I'm what they call a friendly giant. I don't, I may look intimidating, but really you get to know me.

Micah: 38:01

I'm very, very positive, very kind person challenging the person and I want my girl to be like as kind of like me. But you know, if she has a different level, it's fine too. I work around it. I'm very flexible with that, there's nothing wrong with that and um with that, there's nothing wrong with that and um also, I mean, but um, not only that.

Micah: 38:26

I do want a woman that is very supportive, like I want to support her and her, her career, like she was what.

Micah: 38:33

I want her to do the same and support me with my career, because I don't want someone to be a hater and put me down. And her being my companion, my girlfriend and soon to be my future wife, I want her to be very supportive in the things I do and try to not only that but try to help me grow into that where I want to be. And I want to do the same for her. I not only want to provide some intel and provide information for her to help her grow, I want to just be there emotionally and she thinks that she's not doing well in her career. I want to help her like, hey, everything's going to be OK, I'm right here, I got you. I want to do the same with me and be like I'm here I got you. I want to do the same with me and be like I'm here I love you, I support you and I want you to succeed, because I want her to succeed.

Eugene: 39:24

That's great. Okay, I appreciate you sharing that. And let me be clear, because I don't you know anybody listening to this, could you know, think that we have our priorities wrong, that we're sitting here talking about, you know, getting married tomorrow and you are a sophomore in college. That's not the case. And so you have a lot of people and this is just me talking, in my opinion that are very career focused, and these are individuals that I've coached for life coaching and just people that I've talked to otherwise who are looking for mates, who are in, who it did, but who were extremely focused on their careers in the beginning, through college and right after college, and they weren't trying to find a mate and it was career, career, career, career. And they shot off and they did career and they did really well. But now they're like I can't find nobody. But it's because I think during the time when you're focused on your career, that's also the time where two things can be true at one time, and so my prayer is that during this time, you will find someone that will not be a distraction, because if they are a distraction from your, from your God-given purpose, that's actually an indicator that that's the wrong person, and I know that by firsthand experience. And so be quiet, but, but, but, you know, but it's like you know that that's the the part. And so my, my prayer is that you know that during this, this, this next year of life, that you will be focused, unifocus. You know, being a part of this LLC program you will be also doing um. You know the Bradley Braves on campus where you'll be helping out with. You know sports broadcasting. Then you know, yeah, all of that anchor for BU.

Eugene: 41:16

But you're going to have to do time management well, you're going to have to prioritize well and you're going to have a lot of pressure to succeed. But the more that you're focused on what who God has called you to be, the more you're focused on continuing to become more and more like Christ and who God has called you to be. I believe that that's what's actually going to draw all things to you. Seek ye first. The kingdom of heaven is righteousness, and all other things will be drawn to you, and I believe that it's not just things, but it's also the people who God will send in your path so that they can become your helper, so that you all can walk side by side and continue to do what God is calling you to do. So you have goals, you'll have time management, you'll prioritize your task, you'll communicate effectively, not only for your career and for school, but also you communicated effectively even here.

Eugene: 42:09

What you're looking for, and my prayer is that even I mean there are some people out there that are looking and I don't know how it is, but I've been telling your mom all the time. I was like I need to figure out a way to create the environment where we're young men like you and young women that are just like you, because I believe that they're like well, even when you were talking to the young man the father's who I'm talking to, they're like oh, she just sit in her room, she don't leave, she don't leave her room. Or she's just sitting at home, she don't leave her dorm, she doesn't leave. It's like, and I'm like, yeah, and even even us talking to you yeah, you wouldn't leave your dorm room. It's like dude, get out, get out of the dorm you have a period.

LaTanya : 42:46

I had a period of that, yeah, you know, but but I think now, going into the new year and a new school, you have a new focus and new direction because I think you, like dad said, you've done the work and I think that's really the important part, because dating is different. I think dating is different in 2024 than in 1994, when we would start in this journey, and so I think the lived experiences and our life experience, our life experience helps to pour into you. Your lived experience dictates where you go and how you go and how you move with the next young lady from there. But I think what's what's key is what you said is really understanding who you are and that you've done the work to be able to do that. And again you are, you are. You've done the work to be able to do that and again you are, you are, you are a gift, you're, you've been a gift, you are a gift to us, and so it is our goal to make sure give from God, yes, and it is our prayer to make sure that you are a gift to someone else, cause I say all the time that your grandmother did not give me G-Ma, didn't give me a mess, and so I don't want to give another young lady a mess of a man, and so we pour into you and share, but ultimately, you know God will get the glory in it.

LaTanya : 44:13

But you are a gift and I even share that with even the other young men that are around you. You are a gift. As well as these young ladies, someone coming into your life should be a gift. Your dad is a gift to me. We weren't just a prize that you put away, it's a gift that I cherish, and so that's the same thing that we want and pray for you as well as you're on this.

Eugene: 44:36

Next on this new journey, on this next journey, and I still want to just enclose and I know you may have something else to close but I still want to say that, even though you think my advice doesn't matter and my advice don't work, I'm still standing on business as we talk about right now, and I'm still business. I'm still saying that the foundation of any strong relationship, whether it's 1994 or today, it's still friendship, it's still respect, it's still trust, it's still shared values, it's still deeper connections and it's still love. And it's still love, not as the world see it, but it's patient, it's kind, it's not jealous, it doesn't boast, it's not prideful, it's not rude, it's not selfish because it doesn't demand its own way, it's not irritable, it does not keep record of wrong, it does not rejoice in injustice, because it's the type of love that endures, it's the love that never fails, it's the love that always has faith and it always hopes. And, regardless of the times that we're in, I believe and I pray that that's the young man that you will continue to be, because I know that, as I always tell you, is don't harden your heart, because that's what the enemy wants to happen. The enemy wants you to harden your heart, because what will happen is that, you know, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. But what also happens is that if you change the light, if you allow your light to dim, then you're going to attract who you are, and right now you're who you are.

Eugene: 46:11

But my prayer is that you don't change that, because I know that the young woman that God has for you is out there, and I know that God's going to cause your paths to cross, and I know in that moment is that when those kindred spirits, your spirit and hers, will come together, because you will be seeking God and she's seeking God. But if you change and you allow the circumstances of life and this world to harden your heart, then what will continue to be attracted to you is the very thing that you're not looking for. What will start to be attracted to you is the very thing that you don't want and the very thing that you don't need. And so my prayer is that, in this next season, is that God would open your eyes, because she's out there, but for some reason you're seeing other things and those other things are appealing. But my prayer is that God would open up your eyes, but not your eyes but your senses, so that you can perceive who he has for you, because I believe she's right there and when he does that, then you'll know.

Eugene: 47:22

But it has to be when the time is right, because if it's any other time before then it could block his purpose and that he doesn't get the glory for it. So I don't think God has made any mistakes and that the his timing is perfect, and I don't lament any of the time and anything that you have gone through, because all things work together for the good of those who love and are called according to his purpose. And I think that his perfect and his will is perfect and that I'm excited about what God has done, because you're here, you're happy, you're joy. I see the joy in your eyes now, that big, wonderful smile. It just makes me so happy and I am so. We are so looking forward to what God will continue to do in your life.

Micah: 48:09

Yeah, I appreciate that. And going back to the heartening your heart thing, I've seen that a lot with guys my age. I've seen a lot in social media from the guy's perspective and a lot of guys have started to act how the women, how some of the women, how some of the women's like types want, because some, some women say they like a dude that's very toxic and rude and mean. And a guy that used to be nice and all cordial and very gentleman-like looks at that and is like, oh, you want that, okay, cool, I'll be that. And when they be that and they see they'll get the results they want, they stay like that.

Micah: 49:04

But sometimes it's to the wrong women and the women that actually would love them for who they were before are repelled by them. And there was many times where some of my friends were like Michael, just go cold, don't, don't, don't, don't do that, don't be nice anymore. I'm like no, yeah, I've. And like there were some times where I was like maybe I shouldn't be like this but at the same time I prayed God was like no because it's not authentically who you are exactly, and so that person will continue to be um the You'll seek after that for each person.

LaTanya : 49:41

So if you let that person to get that person, that woman, and now, when she's gone out your life, then you'll look for the next one and then that'll determine who, however she wants you to act, however she wants you to be, then that's when you'll determine. That's how you'll be, instead of being who you authentically are. So don't ever change to be what someone else wants you to be. There be some times where you'll again. I think when dad said it best in terms of you'll know when you're coming together, you won't have to compromise who you are. She won't have to compromise who she is to be. For you all to be together, amen, and I think that's the key to that well sunny y'all talking about me?

Micah: 50:27

how would I think of the new generation and how it was back then? What's y'all opinion? Because I want to know what y'all think about, um, my generation, when it comes to dating and things of that nature.

Eugene: 50:40

So that's a good question, and so we have talked about it a lot. But I don't judge the current generation because I'm not in it. The only thing that I do is think about how it impacts you, and so that's what causes me to pray, that's what causes me to research, that's what causes me to listen, that's what causes me to ask questions, that's what causes me to pause a little bit longer on a TikTok video to understand a perspective that is completely like foreign to me, to be like what are you thinking about? And so that's even another place where, you know, I send you TikTok videos all the time and I'd be like see, she's out there, because it'll be a young lady who is expressing like this is the type of young man that I'm looking for. But where are you? And so I send you those videos to show you like, see, she's out there, like the type of young lady that you're looking for is there. She's looking for the guy like you. And that's what made me be like, well, how can I somehow create the environment where the two of you can find and not I'm not talking about you and her to find each other, but types like you and types like her to find it, because obviously social media is not the place for the for that connection to be made, because it's a lot of roadblocks and it's a lot to have to decipher. And that's the reason why I don't even necessarily frown upon dating apps anymore, because you know, those could those. I mean you hear many people who have found love and have been married and happily ever after. So it's like I've learned not to judge it, because how you, your mom and I found each other and for me, as I continue to advocate for you too is friendship. We were friends. We were friends for over almost two years before we decided you know what, let's, let's do this thing, and I think that that's it. I always tell you you don't have expectations, just genuine. When you find someone who you're interested in, just be interested in them, show a genuine interest, call, check on them, see how they're doing, just go grab a bite to eat. But you don't got to talk about anything romantic, you're just trying to figure out who they are, what they like. We hung out a lot and that's how I was like wait a minute, I mean, I like hanging out with this girl, but again, that's how I figured out that she just wasn't trying to be with me, but she was for me and that was a big, big difference. It's like I wasn't going to be able to go back to school and I'm like, hey, I'm not going to be back at school this semester. And then she was like, why not? I was like, cause I don't have the money. And she was like, okay, the next day she came by and she gave me the $400. I think it was to finish paying for my tuition. And and to me that's it Like.

Eugene: 53:35

I saw a video today where they were talking about a young man and a young woman dating and they were asking them how much is in your bank account? And the young lady had thousands upon tens of thousands, and the young man didn't have them. He had hundreds, but they had been together for a while. And then he felt some kind of way because he was like thinking I've been busting my butt to give you everything. He was like thinking I've been busting my butt to give you everything.

Eugene: 53:59

And you mean to tell me you've had thousands and thousands of dollars in your account, but not one time have you offered to pay for gas, a meal, a food or anything. And to me that's like and again, that's different for this generation. But for her it wasn't even a second thought, I didn't even have to ask for it and she was just like I got you and immediately it was like wait a minute, this girl is different, and that's what I mean for you is that when you find somebody who's genuinely for you and she knew like bro, I'm not about to let you not go back to college for a couple hundred dollars and I can give that to you and to me that was like was like dude, she is not just with me, she's for me, and that was, that was a game changer for me.

LaTanya : 54:45

So I don't judge, but I'll let mom go yeah, I mean, I think, I think dating is is different, I think the method of dating is different and, um, maybe expectations, I don't on certain things I don't understand, but I still think the end result, everybody still wants the end result, which is companionship. I should say, not everybody, I think, ultimately, and sometimes I think people may fight against that and might show something different, but I think ultimately as humans, because that's just how we were created. We were created for connections and so I think everybody wants those connections and so often the method of getting those connections and meaningful connections, I think, impacts that. And so, again, I do think social media, I think music, I think even what? People kind of where the conversation started earlier, like who's talking to people about dating, who's? You know?

Eugene: 55:54

I don't know if everybody, has this kind of conversation with their son or daughter.

LaTanya : 55:57

They have people in their lives. Every opportunity I get, I try to talk to young ladies about dating. If you sit down and ask me about being married, I'm in you, in for it. You want to hear the real deal. You want to hear that I'm here for that because I believe that's what God has given me or called me to do, because I can't expect more of your generation if no one is talking to you all about it. So often. I think we talk about dating and we talk about relationships because we need to, we have to, we want you to do that well and do it in a healthy way. So it is different. So, to answer your question, it's different, but I think ultimately everyone wants the same, which is companionship and to be supportive A lot of the things that you named already.

Eugene: 56:53

And the other reason why I don't judge is because everybody's situation is not like ours. So even the example that you have is different from the example that somebody else has Like. You grew up in a home where there was peace here, where many of you in your generation will categorize a relationship as toxic or toxic behaviors. You didn't experience or witness that. So therefore you don't understand. When there are triggers from someone's past or someone's childhood that causes them to act a certain way, you don't necessarily understand or compute that, not to say that our life was perfect, because there's other things that may trigger you, even that I've done and that your mom have done or that you've experienced in the past.

Eugene: 57:46

But I think that it wouldn't be fair for us to judge the current generation on how you date, because every single person is different, every situation is different, and that's why I often tell you and it could be, you know, it could be just me. But that's why I often tell you don't, don't cut her off so quick, son, just like I know she said this or that, but just you know, ask a few questions. But you'd be like, oh, I already blocked her, I already cut her off, I already deleted her number. I'm like You'd be like oh, I already blocked her.

Eugene: 58:17

I already cut her off, I already deleted her number. So I've tried. Sometimes I know I'm not, I'm just joking. I'm joking, I'm joking, but I mean, but again I joke. But at the same time you have been on a journey and your discernment is very high, so I'm also not you. And so I'm very careful not to tell you what to do, because what the advice that I would give to my? There's been many times I told you the Holy Spirit would shut my mouth because I'm trying to give you advice and I'm like wait, that's what you would do, that's not what he should do. And so there's times where I'll be like I'll ask questions and you hate my questions, but I'll ask questions to get you to think about and to be introspective, so that you can make a decision for yourself.

Micah: 59:01

I don't want to make the decision for you, but I'm here to help you think it through, but ultimately it's a decision that you have to make yeah, I saw um a clip I think it was from come to America and um it was literally how it kind of depended on what my name was. Y'all seen the clip it was him and his friend at a club.

Micah: 59:21

Oh yeah, and the first guy was like you want to hear a secret? And I was like, okay, I was kind of as treated as they were. It's like, oh, it's the devil. I was like, whoa, okay, yep, no, awesome. That's a classic scene, classic scene there were a lot of different, different ones. It was two twins.

Eugene: 59:44

It was a twin yes, there's many, it was like it's kind of creepy. It's many, they all, I'm sure they've seen Coming to America.

Micah: 59:50

If not, go go watch it the iconic one where dude spits out his water. I forgot I don't know where.

Eugene: 59:55

Yeah, sorry so, yeah, this has been a great conversation. I'm sorry, mom, you got something else.

LaTanya : 1:00:00

Yeah, no, I was going to give him the rapid fire questions.

Eugene: 1:00:02

Oh, let's go.

LaTanya : 1:00:03

Because that's how we usually wrap up this. I would like to say thank you for being our first guest, of course. You're the first guest on the winning team, so rapid fire questions. This is how it goes. Usually I'm asking dad these rapid fire questions. You can answer these in one word okay, cool, don't overthink it, just answer the question. All right, cool, okay, all right. Adulting is not easy yes okay, college is it's not that hard actually I'm looking forward to in this new school year.

Micah: 1:00:41

Opportunities.

LaTanya : 1:00:42

Right.

Micah: 1:00:43

What I've learned about myself is Growth happens, shift happens, not another word, like I'm fast at saying this sermon. Shift happens and growth is kind of hard, honestly. Growth is hard but it gets better for the good of your future.

LaTanya : 1:01:06

OK great.

Micah: 1:01:07

Love is complicated. My goodness, it's beautiful but complicated.

Eugene: 1:01:16

Love it, amen, amen it's beautiful but complicated.

Eugene: 1:01:18

Love it, amen, amen well, this has been an amazing, amazing time that we've been able to spend with the w3 winning team. Um, please like, share, comment. This was a very subscribe. Please, right now. Now, this has been a very interesting conversation, so I'm sure many of you may have some comments. Please Like. We want to hear your comments. We want to hear what you have to say. Um, many of the things that we've said today may have have triggered you as a parent, triggered you as a as a woman, triggered you as a as a man, and and, and even if it did, I, we, we, we just and. Again, we're not trying to tell anybody what to think. We're just giving you some things to think about, and so we hope that you would please give us a shout out, share it, like it, send it to everybody, you know, but please continue to support Again, eugene Lataya, micah, we so love y'all. Thank y'all for hanging out for another episode of W3 Winning Team Podcast. Peace.