Staying Married: When Life Be Lifin'

Can chronic illness strengthen a marriage? How do you stay connected when life gets overwhelmingly busy? These are just some of the pivotal questions WE explore in this episode. WE begin by reflecting on our journey through 2024, celebrating the small victories in our personal and financial goals while acknowledging the areas that need more work. You'll hear about our commitment to regular date nights and the enriching Bible studies that have deepened our bond, alongside a candid discussion on our "Money Monday" meetings and the importance of budgeting and multiple income streams.

Our conversation then shifts to the deeply personal topic of chronic illness and its impact on marriage. We open up about the progression of lung issues from sporadic incidents to persistent health crises and the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies it. This heartfelt segment reveals our evolving perspectives on support and self-reflection, emphasizing the strength found in unity and unconditional love. WE aim to offer valuable insights for anyone navigating similar challenges, underscoring the importance of rejecting selfish thoughts and staying united in the face of adversity.

Finally, WE delve into the concept of "drift" in marriage and the importance of intentional communication. Drawing wisdom from Gary Thomas' "Sacred Marriage," WE discuss how shared activities and prioritizing our relationship have fostered deeper intimacy. WE also touch on the significance of mutual understanding, respect, and grace, especially during busy times. From strategic planning of personal and marital goals to celebrating the joy of growing together, this episode is a testament to faith, support, and the enduring power of love. WE invite you to subscribe, share, and engage with our community as WE continue this journey together. Until next time, peace.

Host
Eugene Gatewood
- Website - https://eugenegatewood.com
- YouTube: @Original_Mentor
- Facebook: @Eugene.Gatewood
- Instagram: @Original_Mentor
-TikTok: @elgatewood

LaTanya Gatewood
- Facebook: @LaTanya.Gatewood
- Instagram: @reddingl

Podcast Music by Micah Gatewood

Chapters

• 0:05 Life Reflections and Achieving Goals
• 10:04 Navigating Sickness in Marriage
• 18:25 Reconnecting in Marriage Through Intentional Communication
• 22:43 Strengthening Marriage Through Understanding
• 28:59 Marriage Priorities and Intentional Communication
• 38:28 Growing Together in Love
• 45:23 Embracing Unconditional Love and Unity

Transcript

Eugene: 0:05

welcome to episode 10 of the winning team podcast. 10 times I'm eugene I'm latonya and we are the winning team. It's exciting, man. You know, we I always say it's exciting because it really is when you're living and walking in purpose, that is very exciting, gives you peace, gives you joy. But it's been a minute.

LaTanya: 0:30

Yeah.

Eugene: 0:31

It's been a minute.

LaTanya: 0:32

Y'all life's been lifin'.

Eugene: 0:33

Life has been lifin'.

LaTanya: 0:36

And you had to figure out, we had to figure out how to live in the lifin'.

Eugene: 0:41

Yeah.

LaTanya: 0:42

Because that's been the tricky part.

Eugene: 0:45

Yeah, it has it's been since may. Well, we let's. Well, actually, we kicked off the year 2024. We had some goals and, you know, the funny thing is that, you know, the enemy didn't like what we was doing, so we figured that something. Well, we didn't say we figured, but it's, it's no wonder that it came up.

Eugene: 1:02

But we kicked off the year, planned out our 2024, made it all the way through may and then went and picked our son up from from school and bam yeah, life, life, life so any reflections from you, from, you know, after the 2024 goals, where I can say for sure that we I'm excited, like when I look at the goals and look at you know, what we set out to do, um, I think, as a couple and as, uh, individuals, you know, when I look down the list of the things that we set that we say we were going to do, we have made progress. So I was excited through May, um, um, that we made quite a bit of progress in the areas of our you know, actually, I'll start with date nights. Like we, we, we said that we were gonna do date nights and we, we killed the game and date nights. And the thing is, is that, you know, I hadn't been posting them. I've even recorded many of the date nights but I just haven't posted them because and to me that's just a sign that we was actually having a good time.

Eugene: 2:08

Yeah, you know, and that's the thing about this podcast y'all. You know we're doing this podcast not for content sake. You know we're doing this. We constantly say that we want to live life. Um, you know our scripture. How can two walk together except they agree? Um, you know, we want to make sure you know, a three strand cord is not easily broken W3. And so we want to make sure that we're doing life together and just sharing what God is doing through us. It's not as if we're just trying to make content. So so I think that you know, I think I say all that to say is that we created content for date nights, but we just didn't post it, and so I do have to do better, you know, in that area, because you know, people have been asking about date nights and they often ask about the places. We've gone. We've gone to new restaurants, we've, you know, tried many new things. We've gone to probably like five or six concerts and I've posted not not one concert especially because you know how important these concerts are to me like I send concerts on a regular basis

Eugene: 3:15

to say let's go out in this music street and she and she even was, like, I'll say, for years had been asking to do concerts and then. So finally, finally and I'm you know, I'm proud of myself I have been planning the date nights and I have been planning start to finish. Sometimes she don't even know where we going, she just gets in the car, gets dressed and we end up somewhere. So I've been excited about that.

Eugene: 3:40

You know, thank you, the intentionality of just making sure we're keeping it fresh. So so we'll be sharing that. So that was that was one of our goals, to make sure that we did that. Then, on the spiritual side, of course, you know God is always at the center. We said we would improve our bible study and our personal devotion time, and I'm gonna let you start in that area because, y'all, I have been doing 365 days of the bible.

LaTanya: 4:06

I'm not gonna go off on this tangent, but let me tell you, the old testament is messing me up right now, and so we I will, because I do my devotions in the morning. So then, after I've done this devotion, I will go and say did you know that this happened in the Bible, and why did nobody tell me about this? And this is just ratchet. But then what I've learned in all of it is that God only wants a few things Obedience, like he wants your obedience and he wants to love you and give you these things, but he wants your obedience. So I'm not going to get off on a tangent, but the Old Testament has been messing me up and so he's been coming back like, yeah, yeah, like you could have warned me that you could have warned me.

Eugene: 4:56

But what I appreciate is that it sparks some pretty deep conversations in the morning while we're getting ready for work. Conversations in the morning while we're getting ready for work. You know, she may not even necessarily ask questions, but just give some reflection about what she read and then, if there is any questions or clarification, we may talk about that. And then even you know what does that look like, you know, contextually for today's times, and so it's been some very rich conversation in that area. So've I've appreciated that. Yeah, we made some goals and our finances to increase. You know we, we need multiple streams and so we just, you know, really still praying about that.

Eugene: 5:35

Um, we, we have had a couple monday, monday, month money monday meetings. We have not done as well as we should have done in that area, and the thing is this you know we, we we've done well and but we now we budget, we still budget, we have a budget, we work our budget, we live by budget. It's just that we need to sit down and have the conversations and so she's very trusting that. You know the light's still on, the gas is paid and you know everything, the mortgage is paid, but I still want her to be involved in that process, so I'll do better about making sure I send it to you so that we can sit down and have the conversations together. That was the one.

LaTanya: 6:18

It's valuable for me. I am a tangible person like I need. It's not enough for you just say, no, this doesn't work, that don't work Like I. That that tangible piece, and I feel like it's helped me accept where we are and even be able to have a richer conversation, so that I'm not fighting the budget, and then from here and then from here.

Eugene: 6:41

So from so finances. We're doing that. But we've also had some pretty intentional and very good progress in regards to just from the business side for us, you know, restructured the just to help, you know, get us structured and making some of the right decisions for 2024. So we're positioned well in 2025. So I'm excited about that.

Eugene: 7:15

So then, from family goals, I think we talked about, you know, pulling our son in from a budgeting perspective. You know that he completely just completed his first year um college, made a decision to transfer from a school in north carolina to now a school back in illinois. That's been lots of great, rich conversations about his growth as a young man and so, um, you know. So, any reflections? You want to talk about him moving back. I know we're going to do a whole series. I won't even say an episode. It's going to be a series on parenting. Uh, because we have a want to talk about him moving back. I know we're going to do a whole series. I won't even say an episode. It's going to be a series on parenting, because we have a lot to say about parenting. God has really blessed us and tested us in that area, so we're excited about that.

LaTanya: 7:56

I think it's just a different energy in the house, so it's great to have him back in the house and like to the finance part of things like we've now began to talk to him about a budget and y'all 19 year olds don't want a budget.

LaTanya: 8:12

19 year olds don't want to talk about a budget. And so it was a hard conversation, but I think you know it began to have him reflect on even money differently, cause when they got to spend their money it look a whole lot different than when they spending our money. Can they get an amen to the parents? That's out there. So again, I think that's even part of our financial conversation is to now help him look at money and engage with money even differently. So great.

Eugene: 8:43

So so we'll just jump in, because I think that you know I want to talk a little bit more. We started off talk about life has been lifing and so I just want to just jump in a little bit to talk about, you know what happened, and I don't know if you want me to start. You gonna start, but to start but yeah.

Eugene: 9:04

Yeah, so well. So right around May once we, once we picked our son up, and again, that was a whole ordeal in itself moving someone from. You know, typically when you shut down a dorm room you just shut it down, put stuff in storage, but having to go down and plan to move from one state to another was more than we thought it was going to be. You know, it all turned out well but it was great. But as soon as we got back, that's when you had another, I don't know what to call it. Oh yeah, my mom got sick, and so then I had to go to Detroit for a little over about a week to make sure she was good and, um, that lasted a little bit longer than we expected while at the same time yeah then you started not feeling well and so I didn't go initially, because you know I'm like hey, are you good?

Eugene: 10:01

and then you know, go ahead, you could bit.

LaTanya: 10:04

So I mean you know, I think when you and we won't dig deep into this, but you know, things that you can't anticipate is that in sickness and in health and marriage, that is not only the two people that live in your house but it's your kids, it's your family and so like that was a part of and that's been a the sickness part has been a big part of our marriage for a long time, and we're going to do a segment on the vows and really be able to dig deep into that. But you know this, these episodes that I have I have just some lung issues and so they've been looking different now that I've gotten older and so they have a little more concerning pieces to it that I'm even realizing is impacting our family even differently, like it's hit me even lately how it's impacting you.

Eugene: 11:04

In what way?

LaTanya: 11:06

Just that I don't. I think the last time when this happened, like back in December, this shift in the regular episodes, you were more vocal about it. This time, like you talked about how this was more concerning for you. Like you talked about how this was more concerning for you, whereas before you've, I feel like you've never said that. Even if you have been concerned, you never said that, and so that I think it showed me a lot of things, like are you how much you may have been internalizing that, but also like, okay, I need to, this impacts. It's not just impacting me, it, it is impacting you. And then I think my mom said something about it how, you know, come January, we were all concerned is this gonna happen again? Um, and so it just showed me how much this sickness part really can impact people, even if they aren't saying it or aren't visually showing it.

Eugene: 12:09

That it really is impacting, yeah, and I think I think you take health for granted when you're in a marriage, and I think what happened is that I mean this has been going on since before we got married, and so it has gotten progressively. I'll say this time it had gotten progressively uh, more extent or to a greater extreme. And so when you know, when they talk about pulling you know three water bottles of blood from your chest, like that was different than you know, although you know we've seen drainage come, when we, when you've had a chest tube before, but this time like to see all of that, after the procedure they come back into the room and you see, you know all of that, you know blood that came out, it was like whoa, and then, not only that, the residual. So it's like it impacted not just the fact that you're in a hospital, but it impacted our lifestyle and so our lifestyle changed.

Eugene: 13:10

And so before it was always, I say, episodic. So you, you go, you have these issues, you go into the hospital, you recover, you're done, but it it continued, and so it continued not just weeks but for months, and so because of that, it caused me to say wait a minute, like when you say sickness and in health, a lot of times in marriage, especially when you first start, you think about the in health, but you don't think about a lifestyle change, and so, like just to go a little bit deeper, like the human side of me is like oh wait, a minute. Like this is this is going to sorry the thumbs are coming up sorry, this is going to impact me as well as it impacts you.

Eugene: 13:55

And so before, my whole thing was how can I support you, how can I support you to get you through this episode? But then, for the first time, I processed like wait, this could be long-term wait. What if? What if this episode, or this episode, now turns from episode to a season and from a season to a? This is the way that life is, from this point, going forward, and so, of course, I rebuked that, I prayed against it, but at the same time, I was like okay, well, you know, I still have to process this from now. How will I treat her love, her care for her If this sickness becomes the new normal?

Eugene: 14:40

And so that was a transition for me that I've never thought about before, and I think that you know, if I didn't and I'll be honest, there were selfish thoughts in even in the midst of that, because it's like when you start thinking about like wait, how is this going to impact me? And it's like wait, that's not what this is about. Start thinking about like wait, how is this going to impact me? And it's like wait, that's not what this is about Like. And so you have to.

Eugene: 15:03

I had to reject those thoughts and have a real conversation with myself, with prayer. It's like you know, eugene, that's a very selfish thought to think about. How is it going to impact you? Um, it's like, is she okay and how can she be okay? And so that was the, and I've never thought that before.

Eugene: 15:21

And so in the midst of that, I even started thinking like, why would I even think that? And so, when I even go back to the episode before this one, we talked about the drift, and the drift was when you talk about how can two walk together except they agree, like that's when I realized like, oh okay, oh okay, enemy, you will even cause me to have selfish thoughts to do and you'll use anything to drive a wedge in between what God has put together. And so I had to be like, no, I have to reject those thoughts. Not only reject those thoughts, but then I have to then love and be unconditional through it, because it would have become very easy for me to to be, if I stayed in that selfish state, to even start to resent you for being sick because of how it was going to impact me, and I wasn't going to allow that to happen.

LaTanya: 16:19

And I mean, I think that's real because we've had to have more. This season of this has has involved you more, you know. I think we've had to have more conversation, more intimacy, conversations around intimacy, because those things are, you know, what's going on is impacting, is impacting that, and I think for me it had to. Again, that gave me another perspective around kind of to your point, like all right, well, if this is what this is, then we, we gotta have some real conversation about it. Because of the very point that you said that this is where this is now what the enemy will use, because even with the, you know, with the long situation, we have seen god show up like walking miracle.

LaTanya: 17:19

I, if I begin, if I think about the goodness, um, god has showed up and we have given God praise at every point of it, and even the the last time, the December time, where this took a shift, um, and it was, it was scary. It scary for me. And even when, because I'd never been in that kind of pain before, and when they began to talk about what was going on, I was like, what are you saying?

LaTanya: 17:51

But I can think of only like he'll keep you in perfect peace when your mind is stayed on him and so then, just how we believe, god just orchestrated every part of this situation so that he can get the glory out of it.

LaTanya: 18:10

And then I feel like then he was like, okay, well, let me throw something else in here um, that now, if we have been quiet or silent about it, that it, you know, it could, that it could be things that destroy a marriage.

LaTanya: 18:25

And so we out here trying to talk to y'all about marriage but then have these internal struggles which we're going to have Like we're not again, we're not trying to be perfect people, we're not perfect people, we're imperfect people trying to do life together. Perfect people, yes, we're imperfect people, um, trying to do life together. But, um, what I believe that we have now, even after being at that conference, yes, and identifying the drift, like giving it a name that we now can begin to, um, call it out, name it, talk about it so that that drift doesn't happen and I believe that's what has happened with us is that we've had more intentional conversations than I feel like we've had in the 22 years that we've been together and I think for me it's been like I feel brave enough to have those conversations, and not that you were unsafe or anything with me.

LaTanya: 19:21

But I think we talked about this a couple episodes before, where and maybe even the last one where you said you know you're not leaving- Like, let's have this conversation, but I think, for whatever reason in my mind, it's like I don't want to have hard conversations because of X, y, z, but now it's like, no, we need to have conversations because of xyz, but now it's like, no, we need to have conversation because this is our, this is our life.

LaTanya: 19:42

This is currently the season that we're in and that I can't. What's going on with me is is physically impacting, can physically impact you, and so we gotta have conversation about that and just even like, what is this doing to me mentally? What is this doing to me? Because it was now having a mental and physical impact more than just, oh, your lung is collapsed, now it's all the other things that were now coming along with it, and so I think it's now been us being able to say and identify and name hey, these are the things that can potentially cause this drift, and how do we reconnect with that?

Eugene: 20:29

You know, I mean, we're both child development majors, so anybody out there who's in education will understand this. And so what hit me one day when I was thinking about what has happened to us, um, recently, was that I said you know marriages where two become one, but I don't know why the analogy of parallel play came up in my mind, and so for those of you who don't know what parallel play is, is parallel play is a stage when toddlers live in toddlers lives, when they play next to children, but not necessarily with children, and they can spend time and they can be in the same room and they can be playing next to another child, but, again, not with them. And so that made me think about how often are people in marriages in parallel, but not with one another? And I think what happens is that, instead of us being side by side, I could have just stayed next to you in that while you were going through what you were going through. But my prayer was like this is not just her going through it, I'm going through it too. I'm impacted by this too, but not only that. What can I do in order to help her go through this easier? What can I do to help her go through it, as opposed to only thinking about me and so thinking about me and all those selfish thoughts. I just think that it was the enemy's way of trying to find a way in. And you know, as we heard in the conference and we've heard on many podcasts expose the lie yeah, it's not like you were doing it on purpose, but the enemy would try to whisper things in my mind, to try to plant seeds where, if we did not like previously in COVID, we started.

Eugene: 22:28

I know we started to get closer and what I really appreciated about COVID is that a lot of marriages failed in COVID because they were people had to live together instead of parallel playing. And so now, when you're in the house together, I think what happened is that we really got to know one another even better in this season and phase of life that we're in right now. And what's been happening is that, as we've been, we've been doing our walk and worship together. We've been on our walks. That's a great time of intimacy where my walk and worship had become my thing and I really enjoy doing that. But now I've learned and I've grown to love them even more when I'm walking with you, because those are some very intimate conversations that we have as we're walking.

Eugene: 23:18

But the one thing that I'm getting to the point of is that I was listening the other day I was listening to a book Sacred Marriage and he made this Gary Thomas, I believe, is the author. He made this statement. He says you have to understand your spouse before you can respect them, and then you have to respect them before you can truly love them. And I think what's happened for us is that we have, in this season, even leading up to you know, through COVID, and even now, during this season of our marriage it's been 20 some years, but we have really dedicated ourselves to understanding one another even more, so that we can then now even respect what it is that we're going through, how our lives are being impacted, you know, spiritually, emotionally, physically, et cetera, and then it's caused us to be able to truly love, which is unconditional.

Eugene: 24:13

And even I remember one day when you said it for the first time because you being in the house with me, when you said it for the first time because you being in the house with me, you had never seen what my day is like, and so you've heard me on the phone, sometimes from sunup to sundown, and you've heard my conversations with people ministering to, people pouring out so much, and I think some of the days you've heard me literally talking for 12 hours straight, 12 hours, and so previously you wouldn't see that because I would be of the days you've heard me literally talking for 12 hours straight, 12 hours, and so previously you wouldn't see that because I would be in the office and then I would come home and then you'd be like, why are you quiet? Why are you not saying that I'm like, oh my God, because I don't want to talk Like I'm done talking, I'm ready to process my day.

Eugene: 24:55

But I also realized in that is that it's unfair for me to be out and to be at work ministering and giving everything to everybody else and then have nothing left when I come home. So I had to balance that, but, but at the same time, you were able to understand, you were able to respect it, and then the love that you have for me was that let me give him time, because I've seen this, and not only if I do want to talk. It's not about let me decompress my day. You then would ask me about how was your day, what was you? And that was the other thing that shifted in us.

Eugene: 25:29

Instead of asking questions like how was your day, it became what was the most difficult part of your day, which gave you time to decompress. It was the. How did that make you feel? And in even some instances it was like you know, here's what I recommend, or what did you come up with, or what will you be doing because of that. And so I think you know it just proved that you saw me, you heard me, not even about what was happening in our relationship, but what was happening in our marriage, but what was happening to me and through me in another context, but how it impacted our relationship. Not allowing anyone anything, our own selfish thoughts, the enemy, anything to plant seeds inside of us that will cause division in between us, and that's what I've appreciated about this season.

LaTanya: 26:26

Yeah, I agree with that and I think for me, one of the really important parts to doing this 2024 Gatewood strategy was and again we've mentioned we've done this before, but it was something that was different about it for me this year, and I think it was. It was the thing that now brought us together. It became kind of our North star to now say what are we doing together? What are we, how are we looking at our family, how are we looking at one another? And even like, how are we, how can we to your point that you just made earlier, like how can we support one another in those areas of growth and where you wanna go? So that in this season, that was, that's been kind of crazy and busy. Busy like we are in, and I hate to use the b word, but this is for me right now, this is a busy season, a planning, busy planning season, um, for for me, and so I've probably, over the past couple of weeks, have really been trying to be more conscious of fighting the drift, um, because I know that I have been.

LaTanya: 27:42

I get home, I'm cooking dinner, we're talking at the table, then I'm on a computer. You know, we may be sitting at the sitting on the couch together, but now I'm on the computer because now I gotta send this email, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, and I think a part of me has, um, has had to kind of regroup to say, all right, I gotta make sure that our priority is still us even in all of all of what's going on. And I feel like I've even need to make sure that I'm communicating more like hey, I know, I realize that I'm, you know, I'm not as attentive or I'm not as present because I'm on this computer. And so just asking for understanding that, because we know that this season is done, like event one is over, now we're, I'm at event number two, you know, and this is he knows this life of an event planner right now. So he, I think he has, he gives me grace in that, you give me grace in that why I say he like you're not here.

LaTanya: 28:49

You give me grace in that, but I also felt like now I have to be more accountable because I'm not here. What God has called us to, that is a priority in our lives, and so where I was going with that is that I, like the strategy for me has kind of brought us back together Like, all right, are we doing what we said we're going to do, even in this busy season? How do we still make these things that priority or be able to have a conversation about? All right, we know that this is going to be on pause for the next couple of months, but what do we need to do to make sure that when we're ready to go, we can? You know when, when it's ready to start back up, we're prepared and ready to go in that Um.

LaTanya: 29:34

So I think, just trying to be more conscious of what's our priority in our lives, even when things get busy or the seasons just um, just have some challenges in it, because I think this season has had some challenges. It has had a lot of rewards, but it also just helps to recenter. I'm feeling like I'm recentering to all right, but Latanya, what's our priority? Centering to all right, but Latanya, what's our priority?

Eugene: 30:10

And how do we talk about that collectively, but also acknowledging what's going on right now in life. Yeah, I think our plan 2024, strategic plan for the Gatewoods had balance. As you were talking, I was like so what made it work? You know what has kept us centered work, you know what has kept us centered? And I think not only did the plan have individual goals for how you could become better I can become better how you could become closer to God or grow closer to God, how I can become and grow closer to God, but it also had things that we wanted to accomplish, but more than anything excuse me, more than anything, it also had I shouldn't say more than anything, but another thing that it had was it also had how can we ensure that our marriage is solid? And so when you, when you write the vision and make it plain so that those who read it can run thereby, when we have had hiccups, we've been able to say OK, we've been able to say OK, and you know a lot of people make you know, the difference between a resolution and a strategic plan is that strategic plans are, are are dynamic, meaning that they change, and then you can look at it and say OK, where are we today? Let's do our check in, let's figure out where we are and where we're in. What steps should we take to get back on track so that we can continue to move forward? And so that's what's been exciting to me, and I think the other thing that I've grown from like tremendously is historically, in our, in our, in our marriage. When something came up or the enemy whispered some in my ear, or I've been drawn away by my own selfish desires, I've internalized and I've stonewalled you and I've become quiet and I don't really talk about what I'm frustrated about and what I'm excited is that you know now, instead of focusing on how you can improve or how I think you can improve, you know God is looking at me and holding me accountable, basically me talking to God, about our God. What is it about me that I need to change in this season so that our marriage can continue to be on, so that we can continue to be on one accord?

Eugene: 32:14

And when you think about respect and honoring and this is another thing, and the other part about it is that, as I'm on my walk in worship and I'm by myself, you know, I listen to podcasts, I listen to books. I do all of that, and so the book that I've been listening to lately is Sacred Marriage. And, as opposed to me before, when I've listened to this book, I've been convicted, but now it's been confirming like, yes, eugene, you're doing the right thing and here's how God's word, you know, justifies and solidifies what you're doing. But he was talking about the author was talking about how respect is a spiritual discipline that we owe our spouse and when you think about it's not something that you should necessarily have to earn. Respect is something that I'm supposed to do because you're God's child, because you're God's child.

Eugene: 33:05

And so he talked about when you respect, when you have respect for others. When you allow your respect for others to slip into contempt, it's because I am weak, not because of the other person's failures. And so he said that you should have contempt for contempt, and that statement blew me away, because when you have contempt, when you have contempt for contempt, so contempt is just any unrest, unsettlement, anything that could happen in your marriage that will cause us to not be on one accord you just described it as the drift anything that will come in between our relationship. So when I have contempt for us not being on one accord anytime. I feel that I'm gonna fight against us being separated, as opposed to allowing that to happen when I feel like we're not connected, like you even did that the other day.

Eugene: 33:56

You were like, hey, we good, like I, I feel like, and I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm good, but it was something I was processing, but it had nothing to do with you, but it's like, all right, let me, let me make sure. Like hey, she saw, she felt something. So obviously I feel I'm doing something that's off. So, regardless of how much I'm working on, that has nothing to do with the household, but it's creating some level of contempt in the household. So we got to correct that. If you feel it, I feel it immediately.

LaTanya: 34:23

We have to do something about it so that we never, ever, ever feel that way about one another I think that's the thing that we've grown and like, if I had to look at an area where we've grown in in our marriage is, is that part like addressing it, saying what we're gonna say respectfully, um, and having again, I think, the hard conversations, but but y'all that just happened, I feel like over the past couple of years like this and we've always been respectful, but we've been, we've avoided hard conversations and we've avoided you know, having you know.

Eugene: 35:00

So you had this, this false harmony, where everything was going well but really there was stuff that we need to talk about that you know and I, so I appreciate the fact that it's like no, if you feel some kind of way, talk about it, bring it up.

LaTanya: 35:13

So and I'm appreciating that in this season, I think as um again, I think as we closed a chapter to um, and I shouldn't say close the chapter. The chapter just changed in parenting, where we were more hands-on parenting and had to be more intentional, and so I think so much of our time and attention went there, and so now I went to Micah and so now I think how we're supporting him looks different, but I think that also now has lent itself for space for us to now, you know, have some real conversations around us.

LaTanya: 35:58

And so I'm appreciating that I agree.

LaTanya: 36:03

Where does this season go, and so I think it'll take us deeper. If we want to do the work, I think you have to want it, and so what I'm even learning, even in doing the podcast and even just doing the work and preparing for this, is like this is. It's intentional and, in order to not drift in the new seasons, it requires intentionality. Like marriage is intentional, marriage is intentional, and you cannot do it and do it well without intentionality, and intentionality takes work, but it's worth it if you believe that this is the person that God has called you to do life with yeah, and we keep talking about the drift.

Eugene: 36:59

So if you if you haven't listened to episode eight and nine, please go back and listen to them, cause it was a part one and a part two that talked about drifting away from one another and not not being on one accord. So so good. I'm glad that we've had the conversation. I know that you just talked a little bit about um Micah and you know this new season of life, this empty nest season. So we're thinking about one of the next episodes either being on empty nesting and we're really kind of going into parenting, because once we start talking about empty nesting, this is where we are now, but we can do a full rewind of our, our journey in parenting because it we overcome the enemy by the pot of blood of lamb and the word of our testimony.

Eugene: 37:41

So we have a lot to share and we child development majors and we are child development majors, you know, child development masters in counseling, you know.

Eugene: 37:49

So we have some things to say work our entire life work with kids, so we have some things to say. But we also talked about um, doing some reflection on vows and vows renewal, vow renewals. So you know, if y'all have some ideas or some thoughts or some things that we've said and y'all would like to know, y'all have a specific topic that y'all want us to cover, go ahead, drop a comment below, put it in the chat, and then we'll make sure that we bring it up. But we just wanted to make sure we told y'all that we back and that we're ready to go, and so you all will be hearing from us soon, so I know you got questions for me today.

LaTanya: 38:28

I do have questions. I think I got some questions for you too that's fine.

Eugene: 38:30

I think I got some questions for you too. They don't know if they're gonna be fun, though yeah, because I feel like we've been deep, so that's fine, all right, fill in the blank.

Eugene: 38:39

we made it this far because we made it this far because and of course that the typical and easy and truthful answer will be but God, my God, you know, and so I think you know W3 is is no mistake that it's me, you and God being the center of it all, and it sounds cliche, but I think again, why I believe that that's so true is that, again, when you met me like I don't want to say I was a heathen, but I was pretty close and so so for that, my relationship with God has grown. You have watched the spiritual maturity and the maturation and my spiritual formation grow, and as I've gotten closer and closer to God, as you have gotten closer and closer to God, I think that that's what's kept us together, because we've experienced a lot in our marriage together. Because we've experienced a lot in our marriage, and you know, when I think about, I'm reading another book, the, the. You know the disciplines of a godly, a godly man, and he talks about loving people from their sin, not from their perfection, and loving your spouse from their sin and not from their perspective. Perfection, because that's the same way that God loves us. When we were yet sinners, when we were enemies, he loved us, because when you love from perfection. That sets up an unrealistic expectation, and so I thank God that you have loved me from my sin, from my imperfect self, and not from a place of perfection, because you've given me time and grace to grow, and I was even thinking about that.

Eugene: 40:27

It's like people often say, you know they fall out of love, but really you probably fall out of grace because the person is not perfect, we're not perfect people. And so basically, you just get tired of dealing with the imperfections of a person and then you decide you're going to go and deal don't miss it, the imperfections of a person. And then you decide you're going to go and deal don't miss it, the imperfections of another person, because there's, they're not going to be perfect. The next person is going to be imperfect, the next person is going to have flaws, and so I just thank god that you have um have not given up on me over all these years. Amen, oh, husband, I concur, amen got another one.

LaTanya: 41:07

Um, yeah, I'll do this one, because I'm not. I don't want you to do that. So what excites you most about our future?

Eugene: 41:14

what excites us most, excites me most, about our future is the thing this is, which is it's crazy for me to get your words out.

Eugene: 41:23

Well, it's, it's. I'm processing at the same time, so typically I'd be quiet and just listen. But since I'm on camera and since I'm on, you know anyway, what excites me most is that we have an amazing life. God has blessed us like tremendously. Excuse me. A lot of times you think about blessings from a materialistic perspective, and that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the level of love and joy and peace that we have in our marriage, individually and together, and to think that there's so much more to come is amazing for me. And I'm excited about what God is doing, because every morning I wake up and I'm always telling you about the many things. I'm like, ooh, god's going to do this because he started to show us even what's going to be greater later, and so for me it's not as if we're you know this over the hill and you know life is going to start going down.

Eugene: 42:27

It's like nah we're going to live life to the fullest until God says otherwise. And so what I'm excited about is that the best is yet to come, and we've already had an amazing life together, and I'm just excited about you know what's to come, and the thing is is that, regardless of what comes, you know, we, we truly understand that, um, that all things work together, and so the good, the bad of whatever it is to come, we're gonna do this and make it through this thing together, so I'm excited about that that was what my answer was gonna be what is that?

LaTanya: 43:01

to do this together, yeah that was my answer, okay, good, all right this time I'm gonna ask you a couple questions.

Eugene: 43:09

So I'm gonna go lighthearted because you um. But I am gonna ask you a little deeper. Do your best impression of me when I'm angry angry people can't see you on the camera so it's quiet and so nothing he says nothing, he stops talking.

LaTanya: 43:32

It is boop silence. I'm not dead. What's the boop? Because that's what it is. It is dead silent. So you say nothing. You process during covert you went to menards a lot, um, so yeah, you're, you're quiet I was working with my hand instead of with my mind during covet it's no words, y'all okay, so here's another one um okay, so here's another one.

LaTanya: 44:28

Um, so what have you learned about love through me? Oh, that's a good one. Um, again, this sounds cliche, but it's unconditional and what I what I mean by that is that I think you, I'm. My emotions sometimes can be like heightened, and so you, just, you know you loved me through that, like you didn't go there with me, but you came alongside me, you asked her right, you did silence. So then you know I was probably mad about that at some point, but again, I think you have loved me unconditionally. There is not a want or need that I have. I feel safe with you and I've said that before. You always ask me what else could you do? And I'm like you're ask me what else could you do?

LaTanya: 45:23

and I'm like you're doing exactly what I need you to do and how you need to to love me like you understand me, like, yeah, no, I'm not gonna do this or she's not gonna like that, um, you know, when I'll be like you playing too much, you still love me despite, even when I be like, why you doing that? You love me through that. So I think that's what I've learned that you, you truly show me unconditional love amen. That's the grace of God you right, but it's all good.

Eugene: 46:02

It's great.

LaTanya: 46:03

It's great. That's why we win the team.

Eugene: 46:06

Amen. Well, thank y'all for joining. We're excited to be back, you know. Just keep praying for us, you know, because the enemy doesn't like what we're doing, but we don't care because we bind him in the name of Jesus, and so we're going to continue to move forward. But please subscribe, share, comment, tell other people about the w3 winning team podcast and we're excited about this, being on this journey with one another and with you, and so until next time, peace.

LaTanya: 46:36

Thank you.