WE3 The Winning Team
Helping Couples Work Together To WIN At This Game Called Life!
WE3 The Winning Team
Steering Through Money Matters With Your Better Half (Part 2)
Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a financial feud with your significant other, wondering why you can't see eye to eye? Money talks can indeed be the make-or-break of marital harmony. But fear not, because this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom on navigating the fiscal labyrinth of marriage. We take you on a journey from the Gatewoods' strategic plan for 2024 to the dreamy horizons of Club 55, all while dissecting the financial spats that could capsize the sturdiest of relationships. We're not just sharing our aspirations; we're revealing the cornerstone practices of credit, savings, and mastering personal finance—skills that are often handed down, for better or worse, through family lore.
Navigating the choppy waters of money and marriage requires a sturdy vessel built on trust, communication, and a sprinkle of shared dreams. Through the lens of our own matrimony, we unveil the emotional tussle of varied views on savings and spending, while a poignant book provokes introspection on the roots of our financial behaviors. The shift from seeing money as a mere survival tool to a means of thriving is a voyage in itself, and we're your captains charting the course. As we reflect on our stories of growth and financial enlightenment, we invite you to consider your own journey and the influences that have shaped your fiscal voyage.
But what happens when the tide turns, and scarcity clouds the horizon? In this episode, we recount the transformation from financial constraint to abundance within the confines of marriage. Hear how we navigated the emotional odyssey through monetary strife, evolving from tense scarcity to a shared mindset of security and joy in life's adventures, like travel without the shadow of anxiety. The art of financial planning in marriage is laid bare, highlighting practical steps toward aligning goals, managing income disparities gracefully, and the crucial, often undervalued, task of estate planning for future generations. So join us, and let's chart a course together toward a legacy of love, wealth, and wisdom.
Host
Eugene Gatewood
- Website - https://eugenegatewood.com
- YouTube: @Original_Mentor
- Facebook: @Eugene.Gatewood
- Instagram: @Original_Mentor
-TikTok: @elgatewood
LaTanya Gatewood
- Facebook: @LaTanya.Gatewood
- Instagram: @reddingl
Podcast Music by Micah Gatewood
Welcome to this episode. This is still episode six. It's really part two of episode six, but welcome still. We appreciate y'all coming back, sticking around. We appreciate all of the likes, all the follows, all the downloads. You know. Continue to share, share it with other people. Some people may not have discovered we three the winning team. But I am Eugene, I'm Latanya.
Speaker 1:We are the Gate.
Speaker 2:Woods, and so part one of this was an exciting convoy. It got pretty good and it went pretty fast. But you know we're trying to make sure we stick to our time limit and time frames. But we started to talk about how we kicked off 2024 and with the Gate Woods strategic plan and we had some pretty good conversation around because that's our goal. Our goal is really to work toward, you know, club 55, as you call it.
Speaker 1:It is Club 55. That's our retirement plan. Y'all Like Club 55, how do we do what we need to do now until age 55? Not even just until age 55, but to prepare to retire at age 55. So just having different habits, looking at what we need, the dollar amount we need to be able to do that and do that well, and just what changes we need to make, and looking at our finances differently in order to retire at 55. Agreed.
Speaker 2:Agreed and you know money conversations is hard, and so we talked about the statistics in the last episode, where, in 2022 and a 2023 study, you know is still showing that conflict in marriage number one reason why you have conflict and stress in marriage is around financial challenges, and so, with a lot of people setting, you know, new Year's resolutions I don't know whether you stopped it, but to me, it ain't about starting your resolution at the top of the year. You can start again today, just as long as a year from now. You have better habits and you've made progress, but we decided that we were going to have this conversation in March because we want to encourage you to keep going and continue to have those conversations, but there are some conflict responses that we talked about and, in part one of this, that are preventing you from actually achieving your goals. So our hope is that you won't allow the enemy to prevent you from, or to allow the enemy to get you to focus on how somebody or how your spouse responded to a certain thing and how it made you feel. Get out of your feelings and get out of your feelings, and I pray that you would be able to stick to the topic of the real thing and have the conversation so that you can move forward and manage your money and manage your money well.
Speaker 2:And so, as we continue this conversation and we're talking about our conflict responses, there are some things that trigger us and that's typically our conflict response. But the question we have to ask and I often ask myself is like when I get mad about something, I'll usually say something like why did that make me mad? And I'll say it to myself like why did that irritate me? And so I'm always trying to become a little bit more self-aware and to do self-awareness. You got to ask yourself some introspective questions and so, with money being a very hard topic, in order to master your money, you got to figure out how do I feel about it and what about money? Conversations make it so hard, so I want to ask you the question. A good place to start with that is really trying to figure out who taught you about money.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a good question. Who taught me about money? One? My mom did, and probably I remember I vividly remember this conversation around 16 or 17, probably around when I first got my first job and she was like you need a bank account and you need to save money.
Speaker 1:And so I'm like, why do I need to save money? Like I'm 16 or 17, whatever it was, but I remember those things vividly. And then she talked about credit. She talked about you don't need a lot of, don't get a lot of credit cards, and so. But I feel like that was the extent of the conversation. I don't remember having a major sit down conversation around here's, where to save here's. I feel like in a class, like in high school, we may have talked about checking accounts and how to write a check, but even I think when I went in the bank they kind of talked you through that. But I don't remember having like a full fledged series of conversations around money and what you should do outside of knowing that you should save it and do better. And I believe she even said you need to do better than me with saving money, like so that was probably the gist of it, yeah family upbringing.
Speaker 2:I think there's a couple of things to consider when you're thinking about how we manage or develop habits. It's typically around our family upbringing, it's around individual experiences and, as you were saying, your mother talked to you about the value of saving money For me. My mother was a person who she taught me how to problem solve and to survive and so how to pay bills, and it's oftentimes she would leave the stuff on the table and say, hey, go take care of this stuff, whether it was the rent, the light, the gas. And so I had the car so I may have to drive and go pay the light bill or take the rent money to wherever it needed to go to the co-op office and whatever it was. And so I learned from that the nature of survival that, hey, this costs money, all of these things that you have in the house, it costs money.
Speaker 2:But I think that when you think about like credit and saving, I didn't know any of that Cause. I remember getting my first credit card when I got to college and I didn't even really know what it was. I just got it and it said I had $500 to spend. So I went out to the mall and I spent $500 in one day until I got that bill.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I remember asking my roommate I was like, what's this? And he was like oh, that's the bill. I was like, well, bill, I like I thought this was free. Like I thought this, all of these things, that t-shirt you got was free.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know what have two liter of Bob.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I quickly learned that that's what a credit card was, and so you know. So I agree with you it's how you learn about money really is based on. You know your family upbringing, and so we never. I feel like we were in a mode of survival many times and so we never evolved to the point of learning how to thrive, and so the things that you do when you're saving and not managing, you know debt and investing. I never got that deep into the conversation until after I graduated college and got around friends who were starting to do those things.
Speaker 1:I think too, even in our marriage counseling I remember Pastor talking about money. That was probably one whole section, I felt like and so around how we'll do money and bank accounts. I feel like we did have some conversations around that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but if you're not, we may have had it, but I think when you talk about fertile ground, that stuff is foreign to you. So if I've never, I never had that kind of never understood or grew up growing up doing it. So therefore, when you, when people start bringing up, hey, we need to save, I'm like save for what? Because you know you've always had just enough, and so of course in your mind people would think, if you grew up with only having just enough, then you naturally would go toward save money so that you would have money in case of emergencies.
Speaker 2:But no, I was also told that you get money to spend money so that you can get more money. And so you know, I was literally told that. And so if I'm told that, then in my mind the value that I have around money is that you never have enough. So the money that you get, you got to get what you want or get what you need when you get the money, because you don't know when the money is going to come back around. And again, and some of that stuff is not was not told, but by the experience, my lived experience right, wrong or indifferent. That's, that's what I picked up on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think we in the beginning of our marriage that was like you said, that was a lot of that Like, OK, now we getting it less, less spend it, you know, until again the bills, or until like oh, we got a mortgage, like, oh, something went down in this house so we got to pay for that, you know, and again I think it was a point I will say like because I remember when he said that to me, like no money is supposed to be spent, that was like what the world when you saving money and it was. And I mean I can remember you kind of looking like I mean, if we can get around to it, but right now these are things like it was almost living in the present.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And couldn't even think beyond the, the future of well, no, the saving is planning for emergencies or planning for just in case, as opposed to like no, this is our back to your point of like that survival, like this is immediately we got to, you know, be in this moment, and that will come later. And I think that saving piece was for a little bit a place of contention because it's like well, no, we need to save some money, and you would say we don't have it, we don't have it to save, we don't have it to save, and like, we need to find it to save, you know. So that became a point of contention, but some of it, I think, on my end, was because I didn't understand, or my, my concept of well, what do you mean? Like there's two people in this house, we both working, we both got money here, why can't we put twenty five dollars or fifty dollars like a side? And so again, we've been on the evolution.
Speaker 2:We have been involved in. So to the point just to get a little bit more specific around that there was a book, there's a book that I that I was reading and they had a question in there. That has some choices and I wanted to think about this because I think it how we answer these next choices, or how people who are watching or listening answer these can inform how they think about money and and then that ultimately will impact how they feel and how they communicate. So the question was which of these describe how you felt about money as you were growing up? So, number one I always felt secure that there would be another, that there would be enough money for whatever I needed or wanted. I always felt secure.
Speaker 2:Number two I never felt secure or certain that my parents would would have enough money to give me what I needed or wanted. Number three I always felt that I had less than my friends had. Number four I felt the people around me place too much importance on money. And five, I was embarrassed by being seen as the rich kid Not my issue. And lastly, I knew I wanted to grow up and have a lot of money. And so how you feel based on that I can understand that if you was a person that grew up feeling like I, always felt secure and I felt like I had enough money and everything I needed, that could dramatically change how you interact in a household with an individual who, who, conversely, grew up that felt I never felt certain that my parents would have enough money and was able to give me what I wanted and needed.
Speaker 1:I think I always, like if I had to answer this question for myself, I always felt secure that there would be enough money for whatever I needed, even though I knew that there were times where there were some some struggles, you know. But I think my mother did an amazing job of making sure that I didn't have, there wasn't a lack, like I wouldn't say we were rich by far. You know she was a mom who worked three jobs, who did what she need to do to keep me in private school. So probably on the outside, you know like, oh, you go to private school. Oh, you know you go on trips and like you all go out to restaurants. Like that, could you know? Seen that I don't. I wouldn't call it rich, but there's means there.
Speaker 1:But I think there was also some sacrifices there too as well, but I never felt like there wasn't enough, because every time I opened the refrigerator there was food there. You know, so, so I think, like this is really good, because I think, when it was a time when you were like we don't have, we don't, we don't, you know, we can't, and I'm like what do you mean, like, what do you?
Speaker 1:mean we can't. I don't understand. I don't understand that, you know. And so, like my, my trigger responses were like you know, now I want to fight, now I want to freeze, or now I want to flight.
Speaker 2:You know, I want to do those things because, go back to episode one and know what she's talking about with the fight, please. Yeah, I'm sorry. Part one, part one, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think I had never I never thought about that, but yeah, I never that never felt insecure.
Speaker 2:And that's interesting because for me, I would answer that I never felt. Never is a hard word and I'm going to preface this. I'll preface it after I will respond. I never felt certain that my parents would have enough money to give me what I wanted or needed. Now my mother did a phenomenal job making sure that I had everything, that I needed, everything, but at the same time, parents this is again I'm speaking my lived experience I also was perceptive, so I could also pick up on when we didn't have enough, or sometimes you listen.
Speaker 2:And so there were many things that I didn't ask for because I didn't wanna put that pressure and strain on my mother, because I knew she would do whatever she needed to do to make sure that I had it. And so there was, like the one thing I can always think about was AU basketball. I wanted to play AU basketball so bad. And my friends would be like, hey, man, you gonna play AU basketball. And they'd be like, oh, it's only $400. And I was thinking like $400, like do you know? Well, we would have to go through in order to get $400. And so I was like, no, I'm not gonna ask her for that, but for me what that caused me to do is I've been working since I was 12 or 13 years old, and so I didn't realize how that could have possibly made my mother feel. But I got a job so that I could get the things Cause I.
Speaker 2:And the other thing is I grew up in a school system where people around me placed a lot of value on money and things, and so, being the kid in the neighborhood or in the school who you know, I'm bus to the neighborhood where they have the clothes and the shoes and people talk about, you know, my clothes or my shoes. I remember one time my friend came to my house and we were sitting there. We were talking about something Cause, again, we had, you know. So on the outside, looking in, you couldn't really tell, cause you know there were people around that were helping support us, but it wasn't secure and so all the time. And so one of my friends was like, man, what would you do if you found out that y'all was on welfare? And I'm sitting there like, uh, I just got done eating some government cheese five minutes ago, and so for them to ask me that question and I'm just like, oh my God, like in a pit of my stomach I'm like dang. But again, that also is a testament to how well my mother provided cause.
Speaker 2:People did not know that we were, and so I think that the whole point to this is that if, if, if, you grow up and with two different, two different experiences, the experience that you have can create a mindset in you. So you talk about me. I had a scarcity mindset in the beginning of our marriage, and a scarcity mindset is is really about thinking and believing that you never have enough money and that and never have enough resources to do what you need, and that significantly impacts how we as a couple manage our finances in our marriage, because it could be both positive and negative, but for us, since you had an abundant mindset and I had a scarcity mindset, it caused us to have some conflict, and so you already kind of talked about how it made us feel, or how it made you feel, for us to have a scarcity mindset, for me to have a scarcity mindset. But how did it make you view me as a person and your husband when I was constantly saying we can't and we don't and we don't have?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. I don't know if I've ever viewed you personally, like, as a like. I don't know if I had a bad view of you. You were just delivering information I didn't want to hear. So I don't ever think I was like, necessarily. I probably was frustrating and probably was some angry because it's now like but then what can we do? Like. So then I think I've even began to verbalize well, what can we do? Because I know that there's something like, and so sometimes it would be like I mean nothing like, nothing like. No, no, there's something we can do. So I think I had to.
Speaker 1:Again, I don't think I viewed you as a bad person. I did view you as okay. Well, you, you know, and if we're going with roles in marriage, like okay, as the provider of this house, then I don't feel like you would steer us wrong. Like I've never had a mistrust of you. So the fact that you said that I had to hear it, I didn't have to like it, because I didn't and I still don't like it all the time. I'm not, but you guys are that much better. But I also think we're in a better place too and my mindset is different. So I never thought that. Because, again, because I trust you, Then I'm gonna trust what you're saying to me and that you talk it through, and then you even will pull out the spreadsheet and I'll fight the spreadsheet with it. But I think that I had to yield to it because it wasn't like it didn't make sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I, and I think for me what I now that I had some time to really reflect on that I Can say that I probably was trying to avoid Going back into a place we we didn't have Everything we wanted, but we had everything we needed and many of the things we wanted and we were managing it. So, in my mind, when you have a, the downside to having a scarcity mindset is it does increase conflict when you have a Couple or mace that are not on one accord, and it can reduce financial security because you know Individuals will have, you know, constant Conflict that you may not be able to prioritize savings because you're like we don't have it like you said. I said, and then I think you know you, we were it caused us to limit Financial planning, which I know that that's what has evolved us, because I would all often hear pay yourself first, pay yourself first, and you know I've had relatives and cousins telling me you know, always put a little bit to the side, but in my mind I couldn't because you know, and so that scarcity mindset Really was hindering it and then the emotional strain that it was causing not only within you but also inside of me. It was very difficult For me, because I had constant anxiety Around our finances, and it created tension, you know, even within us and within our marriage, and it impacted the emotional well-being, because I would be out and about, we would be trying to hang out, but I will be in my head, as I said in part one, and I would be silent, not even Engaging with you, and you'd be like, alright, it's just time to go home, you know, and so so it took a minute, because I think the one thing I will say is that we didn't get to the point of building up where it built up resentment, because that's what could happen if you have a scarcity mindset and you're not on one accord as a couple. But I think what it did, though, is it? You know we did have, you know, we were, I was being frugal, and eventually we got to the point.
Speaker 2:We were able to put, you know, some money aside, we were able to have the emergency fund that was built up, we were able to still go on trips and because, again, I ain't traveled, the first time I ever got on the airplane was with you, and so that's a whole. Another thing is that I Just want to tell people that even though we we came, we were literally on opposite sides of the spectrum, but we Continue to have the conversation and we continue to work through it. A lot of times that I see now is that when people are not I want to court, they immediately just dismiss each other and say, oh, this ain't gonna work. And in some cases it may not work, but in other cases that if, if you have two people who are willing to work together, you know there could be some pros to being Frugal.
Speaker 2:Yeah to being frugal, because it could get you, prevent you from running out of money and help you to be more responsible in your budgeting what I also want to drop here is that a Scarcity mindset, I think, cancels out faith it does hundred percent so it now becomes Well, God, I can fix this.
Speaker 1:I can do this, and you make it all about what you are able to do hundred percent as opposed to what God has Created you to do, reminding you that he's your, your source, and and not the things around you as the resource, because I think, as soon as those resources are gone, then you now go to this oh my god, and now you got to fix it, as opposed to operating in faith.
Speaker 1:And so I think, so often, as much as we went to church, prayed about it, especially in the beginning, I mean even in now like I think again, this is part of that evolution of it that it's really becoming how do we exercise, how do we commit this to God first, how do we exercise our faith?
Speaker 1:Because I can't sit up here and say that, oh, look, yeah, I love the Lord and I'm a you know, cry and fall out all over church and sing the songs, but then, when it comes to our money, you, no, no, lord, you, you don't, you, you don't know like, uh, he got the world in his hands. So I think we can't, because, again, we have been real clear that we are unapologetically sold out for Lord and that this is an assignment for us, and we can't. There's no way we can talk about finances without saying that faith is such a huge part of this, and we know people. Time and time again, we have been blessed time and time again. Once we said all right, we taking our hands off of it and letting God be God.
Speaker 2:Because even in the midst of that, even in the midst of you know and again this is an evolution I'm talking to you guys about what it was like for us 20 years ago. Um, this isn't by far, not even where we are today, but even 20 years ago we were still tithing.
Speaker 2:We were still you know, we were still, you know, trying to give above and beyond the tide, and even now, when we say club 55, I mean my goal, for club 55 would almost be able to reverse tide. I mean, if I'm still, you know, gainfully employed and a hundred percent, you know, working at the church, I would love to be able to give back my entire salary because of the additional streams of income, um, that God has blessed us with, Cause. He said he'll give seed to the sword, and so when you are in a have an abundance mindset and you understand that the earth is the Lord's and the fullness there and all that's well within, and you understand that God is the one who gives us the ability to make wealth, then that's what we're shooting for and we believe him when he says that he'll give seed to the to the sore, because we want to operate in the overflow. We have a generosity plan that we've been doing for 20 years now, where we will bless people because of the overflow and the abundance that God has put in our life.
Speaker 2:So, you know, we had to just talk about the mindset, because, if you don't, how you think is who you become, which impacts what you do. So you're the mindset that you have. You've got to understand it as a couple when you're entering into the relationship, because the mindset is will determine how you interact and how you manage. And that again comes back to um, you know your family upbringing, your individual experiences, your values. Those are all of the things that you have to talk about. You know who's a spender, who's a saver, you know who likes to invest or who's risk aversion. So you got to have all those conversations.
Speaker 1:Have the conversation.
Speaker 2:Have the conversation Again. Jesus talked about money more than anything else, which means that we should be talking about money in our relationships as well.
Speaker 1:And just because somebody's spending on you, let me drop this nugget Don't mean that they have a whole lot, and so that that's probably a topic for a whole nother day but don't let what's being spent out determine. Oh, they got it. You know, like that, Cause they representative could be coming, the representative could be showing. So please just be alert and don't be afraid to have the conversations about.
Speaker 2:And that can't be your bait, because if you are attracted to a person because of how much money they spend on you.
Speaker 2:The vows say for richer or poor, will you still be attracted to that person during the poor season?
Speaker 2:Because we have had abundance, we've had down seasons, we've learned what it means to a base and a bound, and so we've learned that. But when times were hard and all we had was a two of us, and when times were hard, where we we eaten, you know, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and finding, you know, trying to find free stuff to take our kid to like, those are the times where we really, as a matter of fact, during those moments, we had our low moments, but God blessed us where we never had low moments at the same time. There were times where I was frustrated and like God, come on, you got to do this, but she was incur in my ear, encouraging me, holding my, holding me down, and there were times when she was low, but then God had me high. We were never low. At the same time. I praise God for that is that we were encouraging each, encouraging each other through it, and so can I tell a real quick story?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:One time I really remember this this up, and I'm glad you use that example I can remember being in our kitchen on in stream would, and it was one of these, I think a few episodes ago. We've talked about the overdrafts. We was the overdraft King and Queens. Consumers of dollars overdrafts every year.
Speaker 1:And he was like the account is overdrawn again, it's in the negative, and like I think it was like we still had two weeks to to the next pay period or something.
Speaker 1:And I can remember just like breaking down, crying like almost like hysterically crying in the middle of the kitchen just saying I can't keep doing this, like we can't keep living like this, cause then we were trying to figure out how we were going to pay for daycare and we're going to try to pay, we pushing bills off here and there, and I'm like we can't keep living like this. And so he looked at me and and I think we've talked about this before, because I feel like you've said, like you felt low at that moment, like as a husband, and like did you disappoint me? And I never thought about it in that way as I'm having this meltdown moment in there, that he was carrying the weight of that on him, but I was glad that he shared that later like that was not my perspective at all, that wasn't what I wanted, but I just was like what can we do to just be, do something different? Because, going back to that, I've never felt the lack. You know, I've never felt that. Even if it was.
Speaker 2:I've never personally felt that and to now be in this family and feeling that was just like that's hard and I'm glad you said that because for me and I've grown from that she probably don't like the fact that I've grown from that, but I didn't like to say no to her and so, no matter what she said, if she was like I want to go here, I want to buy this, I want to do whatever it was, I would try to figure out a way to get it done.
Speaker 2:And I remember around this time was when the spreadsheet was created because we had to do better tracking and so I pulled like a couple years of our bank statements and just went through like what are we spending money on? And we sat down and analyzed a couple years worth of stuff and it was a whole lot of miscellaneous stuff in there. And so that's when the budget and my spreadsheet and managing better and we went from probably almost $2,000 in overdraft fees that one year to like I think 300 and some dollars the next year to none since then and so amen and so, but again, you know it wasn't just prayer and faith, it was also works.
Speaker 2:Faith without works is dead. We were not being good stewards and we were not managing well what God had given us. And so it wasn't that we didn't have the money, we weren't properly managing it. And so when you're faithful over a few things, he'll make you rule over many. But if we're not faithful over the few things that we got, then the devourer will come and wreak havoc on what you have, and then that was causing so much.
Speaker 2:And so what happened is that we actually sat down and started to get on one accord Hawkin Hawkin, to walk together, except they agree. And so we established goals. And once we started establishing a goal and this was great we said we're getting out of debt. We got those credit cards all of them and and we cut them up and we decided we're getting out of debt and we did it. Like we sat down and we started napped out a plan to get out of debt and we did it. And so that's the thing is that when we have sat down, we've had difficult times. What's helped us is being on one accord, but the enemy will cause you like. He wants the conflict. He's always looking for a way in. And so we had to decide enemy, you are not getting any more power in this area of our relationship. We decided that, and we decided we're not arguing, we're not fussing, we're not fighting. This is what we're doing. And so we started to walk through the plan and the other thing that we has.
Speaker 1:We had some accountability partners.
Speaker 1:We did and so you know you can't trust everybody with your money and the conversation, and so there's two couples in particular, that the Smiths and the Davises, where our and still are to this day our accountability partners when it comes to money. You know, and they will be like y'all still having the same conversation the Davises, particular, would have that conversation with us, like we still talking about this, and even with the Smiths it would be like we need to change our language even, and so finding some people who you can be vulnerable with, because that's not gonna put your business on the street put your not gonna judge you that part.
Speaker 1:People who gonna be there to encourage and walk alongside you and pray with you on it and the shift in changes that you're able to see with that. But that is, that is something, and that's not for everybody, but if you can have those but that people, those people in your life, especially as you're going through a building season, it's just just has been phenomenal for us agree.
Speaker 2:So just a couple things to think about, because we've had to walk through this and if anything stands out to you as I'm saying these, you can jump in so we had to figure out how are we going to, how do we know that we had to learn how we navigate it through past financial mistakes and debt.
Speaker 2:We just talked about that. We had to also figure out how do we manage through unequal incomes and spending habits and we've talked about that and I think episode two, as far as you know me, making what I made versus what she made and how we kind of managed through that, because that's a real point of contention sometimes, especially nowadays, when you have the, the woman in the relationship, the wife and the relationship making more than the husband and the conflict and just to be honest with us, with guys.
Speaker 2:You know sometimes that that's hard for us to, to to accept, not me. So if you ever want to, go, I'll make more money.
Speaker 2:I would gladly stay home, dad, but. But you got to discuss it and to understand the root cause of those difference in the spending habits. But also to understand you know what is it about. For for the fellas, you know, I'll say, and even for some women, like how it makes you feel when you don't feel like you measure up because you are not your income so. But but again, have the conversations, be open and honest. Don't just assume oh he, okay with that. And and if you are the one making the most money, don't assume that they are okay. But also you have to check yourself to say, hey, do I have a spirit of pride around how much money I make?
Speaker 2:Another one is financial goals and tolerance. We talked about that, whether it's spending, whether it's whether it's debt cancellation, whether it's saving, and and our relationship has now even evolved to the point where we had to start thinking about estate planning we're gonna talk about that in a few seconds but investing in retirement savings and tax planning. Like our conversations when you're talking about financial goals, it's evolved far beyond where we were. You also got to even figure out how will your in-laws be a part of your financial conversation now. You got to figure out how, like our in laws and my you know, my mother in law, my mom for her, they've been phenomenal in our relationship. They've been supporting us. We all been together. But but you need to talk about what that looks like for you. Maybe you need to set boundaries, or maybe you gonna open up the floodgates and let them in, but I mean, my, my bible told me that you supposed to leave and cleave, but but again, that's something that you got to talk about retirement planning, long-term care.
Speaker 2:Long-term care is important. When you think about us having to take care or ensuring that our mothers and our fathers are okay, like it's very expensive. People are living longer nowadays and so when we were talking to our financial planner, they were talking to us about hey, what are you doing to ensure that you have life insurance and long-term care insurance for your parents? Because you're doing, we're doing all of this financial planning and and, honestly, our, our inability to care for our parents properly can upset all of the planning that we're doing, because it can rot from that. So you got to make sure that you're having all of these different conversations, and especially for us, because I'm an only child, she's an only child, and so we want to make sure that not only are we fine and that our future is secure, but you know, we want to make sure that our parents are okay as well. So you got to have good communication around, all that good calm, calm communication, and so we I've just decided not to be mad.
Speaker 2:And if it's getting contentious like even a couple days ago when we were doing our money, money Monday meeting, and it was about two hours and 30 minutes in I was like, okay, she done done and so I was like it's all right, we done, we can just, we can just shut it off, but you got, I know me and I know her, so you know just just be willing to do that.
Speaker 1:So in closing, did you just say in closing I did you was closing out your speech or something. What in the world is going on here In closing. We just closed it out. Your statement is something what the world I mean so.
Speaker 2:So I just think that, as we oh, this is the one thing I want to say is that our relationship has evolved over time, and how we manage money has evolved over time.
Speaker 2:And here's what shifted for me is that, in the beginning, we were managing the crisis that we were in, and so, because we were in a phase of just managing crisis, you make completely different decisions when you're managing crisis and it actually can prevent you from creating healthy habits. And so what happened is that, when we evolved and we shifted from managing crisis we were on when we were managing crisis, we only really focused singular on eliminating debt. We didn't couldn't save as much, or thought we couldn't save as much, we couldn't pay down. So, consequently, we didn't invest nearly as much as we could have in retirement savings and even other. We had to use it, yeah, and we've had to use it many things. So it's, like you know, even then, just trying to make sure that you're making better decisions so that you can protect the resources and the investments that you have, and so, again, financial planners have helped with this and then, ultimately, so we can do long-term planning, thinking about estate planning.
Speaker 1:One other thing I'll add here, too, is that be willing to heal from your past.
Speaker 1:Money hurts, yes, because you don't have to because, of whatever your experience have been with money growing up individually, you don't have to let that be the guiding force for you moving forward and, especially when you're coming together in marriage, like be willing to heal from it. You can't be like, well, nah, because I don't trust nobody with my money out. You know now you're almost tainty in speaking that into your marriage, as opposed to going into it like, all right, I'm trusting you. I wanna be on one accorded with you. We've had conversations about this and that I know that it's not gonna be easy, but I'm willing to heal and be honest in it. That's good, that's good.
Speaker 2:All right. So lastly, just talking about see, I didn't say in closing, I said lastly Thank you, because this is not no speech. No, speech and so lastly estate planning. I know we are well over time, but maybe I'll cut this off and make it separate, but estate planning and the process that we went through for estate planning was eye-opening. Oh yeah, and I think when you talk about finances in marriage, you're thinking about you know the words tells us to leave a legacy for our children's children. Sorry, I'll just keep falling.
Speaker 2:And so just all right, just fix this. Okay, they can't see it. So the word tells us to leave a legacy for our children's children, and there's so much that's wrapped up in estate planning a living will, trust, last will and testaments, all of your health decisions that you would like to make. You know, making sure that all your property is taken care of. How do you make sure stuff stays out of probate and goes to your proper relatives that you would like? If you have kids that are under 18, you know who will take care of your kids. And all the money that you have or resources that you have, who do you want to allocate that to? You know it's tough enough for our families to have to think about losing us, and sometimes it's very unexpected.
Speaker 2:And so you know we've had life insurance policies on Micah since he was born Because, again, our thought was Lord forbid something happens to him. But you don't want to think about how you're going to bury him if he's, because we don't have a life insurance policy, and so estate planning is not cheap. But I'll say, like what we did is through our life insurance. They actually offered a plan where you could just put a lawyer go, and we met with the lawyer for a couple hours and they wrote up all of our estate planning documents for us. And it was free because it was a program through our life insurance the life insurance at our jobs and so we also have separate life insurance policies that are not associated with our jobs.
Speaker 2:Separate disability insurance, because statistics say that you're actually more likely to be disabled than you are to die, depending on your age. So we have separate disability insurance policies. We have umbrella policies just in case somebody sues us for whatever reason that that'll cover it. So you know, all of those things when you're taking care of your estate are so very important and we won't get into tax planning until you the importance of you know having a trust and putting all of your property and everything you own I mean your businesses, if you have businesses and how will you, you know, protect your estate? Estate planning is so vitally important because the government and the probates and all of those people not only take it but then they make the decisions for you when you don't sit down and make the decisions yourself. So please, especially if you're starting this journey, if you don't have life insurance and you're early on, you know thinking about a plan to get married. Go get you a whole life policy now, because it'll cost you so much less than waiting until later in life.
Speaker 1:But again, I'm going to just say this part too, because you do a estate plan don't mean you're going to die tomorrow.
Speaker 1:It does not Listen we got to think better, do better and evolve from that. So, and again, don't be afraid to talk about the money. It's a hard. I won't. You know, it was probably one of the hardest things that we did because there was so much depth to it and we don't have a whole lot, but it was so necessary and I felt like a good grown person because we had did something that was responsible, that was just being a responsible adult. So, please, y'all, do this and you're not going to die tomorrow.
Speaker 2:You're not and Lord forbid if something were to happen the responsible thing to do like while you're here. You don't expect people to take care of your responsibilities, so the same thing is true. You don't want to leave your responsibilities to someone else to take care of either. So anyway, yeah, stop doing GoFundMe.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying that.
Speaker 2:All right. So you know we always, you know it was a good conversation. I'm glad we had a chance to you know, just to have the conversation to you know, because marriage is I mean, money is a big thing in marriage, but you know, we always end it on. We don't tell people to think, but give them something to think about. That's what we do. So I have a question for you, based on our game. You know we not getting no money for this, but I just, you know, like to use this game. So what? Here's the question for you. Oh Lord, what's a decision that we've made that has changed the course of our relationship?
Speaker 1:Hmm, what's a decision we've made that changed the course of our relationship? I can probably say two things. One, moving to Chicago.
Speaker 2:Moving to Chicago.
Speaker 1:That disrupted all of our thought process, because never in a million years did we think A that we would still be living here 18 years later. B that we would even live. Chicago was never anywhere on our radar to live. So, yeah, and the fact that we're still here and being able to see the God in it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like that's real talk, and we were, I mean, still fairly newly married.
Speaker 2:I mean we'd only been married like two years, three years, maybe three 2002, so just about three, yeah, three, exactly once you got a mic again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so right. We'd only been married three years. We had a newborn baby.
Speaker 2:Brand new.
Speaker 1:And so you know, so I think, yeah, that definitely changed the course of our relationship and I think becoming parents, like those two huge boss moves that you know I wouldn't trade for the world.
Speaker 2:I agree, and those are the exact same. Well, I was thinking of moving here because it changed. It was a faith walk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, most definitely.
Speaker 2:You know, I very didn't really even see myself necessarily going outside the township. So to move all the way to Chicago was a big step and, as you said, I now understand that corporate America moved me here. But the purpose that God had for me to come here was so much greater. So we appreciate that. Cool, All right, that was a good conversation. Thank you all for sticking around for another part of W3, the winning team, and we look forward to like share, like share and tell more people about it, and we look forward to Follow us on socials.
Speaker 2:Follow us on all socials. Yes, and we'll see y'all next time. Peace.
