WE3 The Winning Team
Helping Couples Work Together To WIN At This Game Called Life!
WE3 The Winning Team
Money Triggers & Marriage - Part 1
When Eugene and I, Latanya, tied the knot, we never imagined that our most profound growth would come from navigating our finances together. Yet, here we are, ready to peel back the curtain on our financial evolution, a journey that's been anything but linear. Our latest episode is a candid confession of how we've gone from letting money matters divide us to using them as a tool for unity, all through a lens of faith that's as sturdy as the foundation of our marriage.
We've come to see every spreadsheet and budget meeting as a chance to fortify our partnership and align our life's purpose with our financial goals. It's a dance of numbers and nuances, tackling topics like our aspiration for early retirement, dubbed "Club 55," and the essential role of transparent communication. We're not shying away from discussing how we've embraced an equal partnership in managing our finances, moving past traditional roles and sharing the reins in a way that's strengthened us beyond measure.
This episode isn't just a sharing of our story; it's an invitation to reflect on your own financial journey within your relationships. Discover how embracing shared responsibilities can be a game-changer and why tackling money talks head-on could be the secret ingredient to a thriving marriage. We're sharing the raw, the real, and the transformative power of faith in finance, and we can't wait to have you join the conversation.
Host
Eugene Gatewood
- Website - https://eugenegatewood.com
- YouTube: @Original_Mentor
- Facebook: @Eugene.Gatewood
- Instagram: @Original_Mentor
-TikTok: @elgatewood
LaTanya Gatewood
- Facebook: @LaTanya.Gatewood
- Instagram: @reddingl
Podcast Music by Micah Gatewood
Welcome to episode 6 of the Winning Team podcast. I'm Eugene, I'm Latanya and we're the Gatewoods. We are the Gatewoods, so this episode. So we last month we kind of started talking about our last episode. We started to talk about our 2024 Gatewood strategic plan. We posted a couple videos about it.
Eugene :We're excited about what God is doing and how he used us to sit down and write the vision and make it plain. And so one of the sections that's one of the areas that was on that strategic plan is finances, and so, because finances is so vital to the success of a marriage, we just decided that we would. We would hit on that today, especially because a lot of times when people are making their quote unquote New Year's resolutions, finances is at the top of the list, and so, yeah, we're at the top of March, but it's still not too late to jump back into that plan, even if you've gotten off track a little bit. And so I do want to start by saying we are not financial experts and we are not giving advice. We are not giving advice, but we are simply sharing, you know, what worked for us. We're simply sharing really what we've done, because sometimes we've made some pretty big mistakes and sometimes we've had to do it over and over and over again, but we're just excited to be on this journey together and we've made tremendous progress and we're excited about that. So we are not here to tell you what to do, we're just giving you some things to think about and you know we pray that you would find your own financial advisor, because our situation is not your situation, so all things may not work for you. All right, cool, all right.
Eugene :So what I appreciate about our relationship is that money has never defined us as individuals, and that's really something that drew me to you. You know, even though you was a little bougie, you didn't You're not offended me, even though you, you know I'm going to say you are a woman of standard, but you were not a pretentious person or person that turns your nose up to anybody else, and so that was something that was attractive to me. And sometimes, you know, I know that's just well, and so money has not defined us as individuals. Therefore it hasn't defined us as a couple where, you know, the Lord has. We have not always been where we are today, and we, of course, have aspirations to continue, for God to continue to do more, for us to be a blessing, so that we can continue to be a blessing. But I know we do have some scriptures that kind of define who we are versus. You know, money.
LaTanya:Yeah, I think, I think over the years we have and I think we've said this in numerous episodes that this, where we are financially, has been an evolution.
Eugene :And.
LaTanya:I think if probably one of the greatest pieces of advice that we could give is to always let them find.
Eugene :We're not giving advice, but we just going to talk about.
LaTanya:This right here, okay, our greatest life lesson one so far as it relates to finances has been see, you just made me lose my train of thought.
Eugene :I'm sorry.
LaTanya:Oh, just that it's been an evolution for us, and so keep allowing your finances to be an evolution, like it's not cut and dry, it's not this is how it should be, or because I think that leads to a whole lot of issues that we'll talk about in just a little bit. So we have definitely been on that evolution, and one big part of it has been as we have said from the start of this podcast is that Christ is at the top of this for us, at the head of our marriage. It is we've put Him first in that, and so we three.
LaTanya:We three, and specifically around the finances, I have shared that this has been a struggle point for you, girl. You know having money conversations have been a struggle point. But I can remember I don't know, probably about eight years ago or so, maybe, on one of these money conversations at the top of the year and I think we shared this too that we literally prayed over our finances and like declarations over our finances, and we had never done that before, and so that continues to be a part of what we do. And so, as we were preparing for this and even thinking back to some of the scriptures and things that we put, there was three right now there's so many Like God talked about money a lot.
Eugene :A lot, a lot More than anything else, jesus, he talks about it.
LaTanya:Talks about it, and so, like I say that, to say let's not be afraid to talk about it, because I believe that's when the enemy can get in, so we can't be afraid to talk about it.
LaTanya:and where it can hold even more weight is when we put God's word on it. So here's just a few. That, especially, is in line with where we have gone with our 2024 strategic plan. Deuteronomy 8 and 18, it is God who gives you the ability to produce wealth. So the full part of that scripture is but remember the Lord, your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today, Amen.
LaTanya:Listen, that can preach right there that whole.
Eugene :Thing.
LaTanya:So it is God, so it's not us. He puts skills and talents and resources in us to be able to do it, but reminded, being reminded that it is God who does who's given us this? It's the one, so that keeps you focused, like as you start them. The other thing is that you cannot serve God in money Matthew 6 and 24.
LaTanya:So no one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God in money.
Eugene :Money cannot be your idol.
LaTanya:Okay, we talk about gotta make that money, gotta make that money. But if that becomes that primary focus and again I'm not seeing being afraid of money, but what I am saying is that it cannot be your sole purpose for living and miss out on so many things.
LaTanya:And then the last one that we chose was Proverbs 21 and 5, which is the plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. So y'all, make a plan for your money. Talk about your money. Make a plan. We did some years ago. We did Dave Ramsey, I think we mentioned that.
Eugene :Yes, Financial Peace University. Great starting point for people, but Live like no one else, so that you can live like no one else.
LaTanya:That part right there, but what one of the primary things that I remember from there that the takeaway was like tell your money where to go, cause if it don't, it will go. Now.
Eugene :So that you don't have to ask where it went when it went.
LaTanya:So make a plan. That's what the Bible's saying. Make a plan on that. So I think, as we are in this season, and those are things that we will become, those scriptures will become part of our strategic plan. But one of the things that I have been talking about since probably last year is I'm calling it Club 55, which is really our plan to retire at 55.
Eugene :We doing it.
LaTanya:And so I know you initially was like why you keep saying that.
Eugene :Yeah, I wasn't on board. I mean, I shouldn't say I wasn't on board, but I realized that the more she said it, it engaged my faith and so, and I was thinking 55, that's still so young, but in my mind it took me a second to process that not retirement meaning sitting on a beach, but really just having fine Sit on the beach too. Well, I just feel like God has so much more purpose, and for us, not even just for me, for us. And so it's not to sit on a beach, but it's to have financial agency. Now, please understand, we're nowhere close to that right now, but at the same time we know with God all things are possible, and so you know.
LaTanya:And I think too, we're starting to talk about it Like we can't wait till we get to 54 and then say, well, we wanna retire at 55, because again it goes back to that scripture in terms of just making the plans for that.
LaTanya:Like if we don't ever start to talk about it, if we don't start to even say, well, what if this, this is really what we wanna do, like exercising and engaging our faith, and then we don't, then how will we ever do it? Like, what behaviors have to change, what habits have to stop, what habits have to start in order to really get to that point? Cause y'all that retire 55 number. It's a big number.
Eugene :Big number.
LaTanya:It's a big number and it's not like. So let me say this really quickly it's not like we do have a financial planner, but we have. It's not like we are sitting down every single day with our financial planner, and so I wanna dispel the myth of you need a lot of money to have a financial planner.
Eugene :No, you do not.
LaTanya:Because you do not, and so we.
Eugene :And if your financial planner says you need a lot of money to sit down with them, they are not the right financial planner.
LaTanya:For that season of your life, and so we are. But you can be your start to be your financial planner by talking about your finances and making a plan for them, and so that's really where I think we're. We are starting to shift to that Like cause we have control over. I think so often for a long time, our finances had control over us, as opposed to us now having control over them by committing our plans to God.
Eugene :Yes.
LaTanya:And then now saying, all right, well, what do we now need to do in order to get to club 55? And it had to be around, and that's so, literally, in our strategic plan. There's some points in our strategic plan that we have outlined, like in increase income how do we, how do we do that? Have additional streams of income? How do we do that? Reduce our debt how do we do that?
Eugene :Tax planning.
LaTanya:Tax planning and even now saying what is that number? If we realistically want to retire at 55, what is that number where we could continue to maintain our lifestyle right now? And once we got over the sticker shock of that, now it's like all right. Well, now, what do we need to do? How do we do?
Eugene :that and these conversations are important because, as I was thinking about and we were thinking about preparing for this episode, I just put a little research and the statistics around finances in marriage and I love what you just said a few minutes ago Don't be afraid to talk about money, because Jesus talked about it more than any other topic. So that means that if he talked about it, that means he wants us to talk about it. But what the enemy does? Not only does he not want us to talk about it, but he also wants to get us stuck in the pattern. And so we got stuck into a pattern and we'll talk about the mindset a little later on in this episode, the mindset that will keep you stuck in that pattern and force you and paralyze you to the point of not making the proper habit shifts that you need in order to be able to move forward. But according to the 2022 Pew this is a recent study A Pew research center found that 41% of Americans with families report money being a major source of stress, and, of course, we hear everything that's going around in the news. And then, when you think about all of the disagreements that are happening within marriage a 2023 study that was published in the Journal of Family Communication found that disagreements about money are the leading cause of conflict in a marriage, and so I often say the statistics show that 50% of marriages in a divorce, but how many of the other 50% of marriages are living a joy field in peaceful life because of you know, because they're remaining together. So we have to talk about it, and so I love what you talked about earlier around the evolution, and so I was gonna wait till later, but I think that's one of the main sticking points and I may repeat it later. But our marriage has evolved to the point where, excuse me, all we talked about was debt and getting out of debt and saving money, and that's all we talked about. It kind of consumed all that we talked about, and so our relationship has now progressed beyond that point. But why do you think relationships struggle when it comes to the topic of money? I can go first and then you can dive in if you want me to, but I have a thought and actually I'm sorry. No, go ahead, you want me to go, and so why do relationships struggle? And I'll say this I'm not gonna talk about relationships, I'm gonna talk about me personally, not even you.
Eugene :But I think that the scripture that I thought about is the Matthew 6 and 24, choose you this day, who you will serve. And I believe that when you talk about and think about the spirit of mammon, it's the fear of being able to buy and sell. It's the fear of being able to get what you want and get what you need. And so, for me, I wasn't fully submitting to God and fully trusting him, and so every waking minute, I was thinking about oh no, my overthinking. What if this happens? Oh my God. What if I lose my job? Oh my God.
Eugene :So you start making decisions not according to who God has called you to be and what he has said that he will do, that he will be the be the one to supply all of your needs, according to his riches and glory. You start to make decisions based on I can't. And oh, we can't, because what if? And so, once I started to say all right, we need to have due diligence, of course, because if we need new tires, the car breakdown, we need to have an emergency fund for that, we need to wash the machine?
Eugene :Yes, we just did a wash machine. Wash machine and car. I know and car exactly and need tires Adulting.
LaTanya:Adulting, adulting, ain't easy, ain't easy.
Eugene :And so I praise God, like even in the midst of complaining about that. I'm not complaining because I praise God that we're in a situation where your washing machine and you need new tires all in the same day and you need to do whatever else the timing chain or whatever it was on the car but we praise God that, because we have changed our habits, we were able to take care of all of those and just say glory to God. So, from your perspective, when we think about these statistics, that where money is an issue, why do you think relationships struggle when it comes to the topic of money?
LaTanya:Yeah, I mean, I think it could be. It's a lot of things. I think one is your engagement with money. How did you and this even stems back to how did you grow up around money? Did you have enough, Did you have abundance, you know, or did you just have enough or did you have not enough? So then, when it comes into your hands, and depending on because, again, in marriage, two people with two different lifestyles, two different upbringings are coming into a marriage, and so, depending on what you were taught about marriage, either literally, so verbally, somebody verbalized this is how you should engage your money, or you watched how the adults in your world engage with money. I think that brings that struggle into it.
LaTanya:I think again back to your how do you communicate about it? Like, is it this yours, this mine, and don't ask me about mine, don't ask me about yours? We put this in the box together and then I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. So it's you know. So I think it could be some of that. And I think the other thing is just like your perception of money and marriage. So, again, going back to a little bit of that mining yours and like, is it with you, the husband, because I think so often it's you, the husband, you pay for all of these things. I'm the provider, yeah, exactly.
Eugene :And that shifted tremendously over the years. But no, that's a good point. How do you view that? And what's interesting is that you said you're, how do you respond to it? And so I think you're right is that, when you think about your conflict response, there's many things that we can get into and engage with when it comes, when you're a part of a marriage, so but money is one of those main sticking points and so, based on how you raise we're gonna get to that in a few seconds but based on your conflict response when you start talking about money, do you fight, do you flight, do you freeze or do you face it? Do you fight, do you flight, do you freeze or do you face it? So I think that those four conflict responses is something that we have to ask ourselves ourselves, not pointing our finger across at our mate. But what is my conflict response when I'm talking about money and how does that make me feel?
LaTanya:Well, do you have an answer to that?
Eugene :I do so. Well, it's evolved. And so when you talk about the evolution of it, is that previously I would say I would flight, I wouldn't go anywhere, but in my mind I would disengage. And so during the times where we were having the most I don't know financial crisis it was just bad in my mind I would be in my mind praying. Not even I can't even say praying, I would say overthinking, trying to figure out there was some prayer, but not as much prayer, because I was just in my mind thinking about oh my God, we gonna be homeless if I don't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You wanna meet me on the? You have found a spot for us. Y'all I did. I have found a spot that we can stay if we were gonna be homeless. But I've grown. I praise the Lord for growing.
Eugene :Listen, I was trying to figure it out. We got to be in good people and we might not gonna be on no freeway we do. But I'm just telling you what the enemy would do to you. And so initially, my response was absolutely what the enemy would do to you. And so I was in a place where I was running and I wasn't involving you, and you would always say like bro, you're not in this by yourself, like you don't have to figure this thing out, let's talk about it and then we can come to a conclusion. And so I have now gotten to the point of where we face it, where we can be open, and I talk as a matter of fact.
Eugene :When it comes to money, I'd probably talk about it too much. You don't be wanting to talk about the money, because now that I got my spreadsheet and I know what we're doing, I wanna talk about it. We're not talking about the spreadsheet already. We're not gonna talk about it. And so I think that it's if we face it, you'd be open to resolve the conflict and we can calmly and productively talk about it. Now, of course, I know that you still have a limit where the other day we had a good it was like a two and a half hour conversation. You did good.
LaTanya:But I think, because I was gonna go to that, because I have probably done all of these I have fought it. I have walked away. I have flight.
LaTanya:I've walked away from tables, say I'm not doing this, no more. I have froze like whatever, like literally that's probably been my words whatever Do, whatever, I don't care. But now I have faced it and I'm facing it, including the spreadsheet to some degree. I am facing it Because it goes back to what I said earlier around you know A I need to understand where we are financially, like it's not just your responsibility to understand and manage and know where we are financially. I think everybody has their role. So you do the spreadsheet, but now I can come in and see if there's something different, ask some different questions and then now we can kind of come to an agreement. Because I think at one point in time I was like, probably in the freeze mode, to if you do that, that's what you do. You do that spreadsheet, I'll just tell me what to spend and what not to spend, when that really wasn't, I don't think, even healthy for our where we are financially.
Eugene :Agree.
LaTanya:And really getting a good understanding of that, especially if we try to be on Club 55. I can now say, well, we're retiring at 55, but I don't understand our money, cause then you'll tell me we don't got no money, y'all he come.
Eugene :I'll say swipe or no swiping, cause she just be swiping.
LaTanya:He just be like no, don't do nothing, don't spend nothing, don't swipe nothing, hey. And then, as I'm walking out the door for work, hey, now I'm all stressed out trying to get on the train, cause now I think we ain't got no money. And then he takes like no, then he takes like 20 minutes later and be like oh, I found $300 because I didn't get this.
Eugene :Well, I find more than that, because the problem is is that you know I need her to stop swiping while I'm doing the budget. You know, like in corporate, you go on spending freeze for a minute so that you can reallocate the money you know before you go to zero. But, but I think I am facing.
LaTanya:So my point is that we had we were able to have that to our conversation, because I'm now facing it, because, again, collectively, I think we're now trying to go and build the what's next. Like we should not still be having the conversations we had 10 years ago or 20 years ago at the start of our marriage, like we got us, blessed us too much to still be doing the same and making the same financial choices, because in a minute he's going to be like let me go and take that because you don't know what to do with it, and I'm like no, no, god, that's, that's not, that's not it. But it now has to be about you know our faith. It now has to be about proper management proper management, so a plan.
Eugene :Yes.
LaTanya:And then being having open communication about it and being on one accord so that we can begin to live like no one else.
LaTanya:You know we can begin to really be able to really be a blessing to others. That's in our spirit to be able to be a blessing and a financial blessing to others and weigh scholarships. And you know, if someone called now, let me say this I don't just keep calling us because I'm not talking about we want to be a financial blessing to people, but again, just being prayerful over where God and how God wants us to plant seeds into his ground to be able to continue to grow the world fertile, fertile.
LaTanya:If your ground ain't fertile, don't call me OK.
Eugene :And so I think I think you know for just to kind of wrap up this episode a little bit because I'm going to go over time, but I think in that I think our kind, you, whatever your conflict response is Because again we're talking about money and how it's the enemy the enemy will cause us to debate more about how somebody responded to what I said, as opposed to us getting to the point of being able to deal with the strategy in order to get out of and to resolve our financial situation. And so each person has to manage and really become more self aware of their own conflict response, because it may be different for every topic. Right now we're talking about money, but as we become more self aware, it'll help us to understand ourselves. And even once, once you become more self aware, you can help your, your spouse, understand you as well, because if you don't understand why you do what you do, how do you expect anybody else to respond as well? And so I'm going to put some more more clinical terms to conflict responses in the notes or you know, down below so that you can see it, because some people I mean I know we said you know, fight, flight, freeze and face it.
Eugene :But you could be conflict avoidance or conflict involved. That's that's a whole spectrum. You could be hard in the way you talk or you can be too soft. You can be rigid, you can be loose, you can be intellectual, or some people are very emotional. You can escalate it or you can minimize it and think it's nothing. You could be compulsively revealing or you can be compulsively reconciling, and so you just have to make sure that you understand that it's important to how you respond and all you can do is control you.
Eugene :But if you're not self aware, then you'll get in trouble, because our goal is to never stop having the conversation. The enemy wants us to be quiet and to not talk about money, because when we don't talk about it, we don't resolve it. We stay in a perpetual cycle and eventually you know the issue that's the issue don't even become the issue because you don't feel respect, I don't feel love, and then we get into something that's so much deeper. But I know we kind of ran out of time. This is a good conversation, but we're going to come back. We probably need to do a part two to this, because because we still have like so much more to talk about.
Eugene :In regards to you know, as you hit on earlier, you know earlier who taught you about money or what did you observe and how did the family dynamics you know impact that. And then we also go and go a little bit deeper about our mindset and how our mindset actually impacts impacts how we manage money as well. So you know we don't want to go over time, so we're going to come back. So I would say we're going to release a part two. I don't know exactly when it will drop, but it's going to drop soon. It's going to drop probably within a week. So stay tuned for a part two and we'll see. You got a question for me before we go.
LaTanya:I don't have a question today, you don't have a question. I don't.
Eugene :I had a question for you, but I think I think I might. I might wait. You think you can answer it fast, or you want to? Oh, let's see, ok. So before we end, you know, we always said that we we're not going to tell you how, what to think, but we're going to give you something to think about. And so question I have for you is what's the difference between wanting a husband and wanting to be married?
LaTanya:Well, so wanting a husband, I think comes to companionship. So companionship, do life with someone. But I think, wanting to be married, I would even almost say wanting to be a wife, OK, that's good.
LaTanya:Because I think then that becomes the personal work that you have to do. So you can't want a husband but not not do the work to prepare to be a wife. So what are the things about? Who you are, what you may have to sacrifice, what you may what how you may grow, what's negotiables and non negotiables? And you have to do that work before you have you want a husband, because if not, you can have the husband you want, but if you haven't done that personal work, that's gone. That's not going to help or or really make your marriage strong, because I think there'll always be some places of contention with that.
Eugene :Well, that's pretty good. I think you're right. I think some people hang on to the fairy tale because I'm not sure. I'm not sure I've ever asked a dude. I'm trying to think like hey, you want to get married. And they was like yes, like I mean, it's not. It's not like something that we, we don't aspire to.
Eugene :Of course we do and of course we want family, and I think that's for me it's like being married is about being a part of and having a family and creating legacy. And so then, when I think about wanting to be a husband and that's a huge weight in responsibility and I think because of that, you know a lot of you know men and people that I talk to kind of run away from that, but I think it's the most joy filled thing ever. And it's like I often think about how people don't, you know, stay around and take care of their responsibilities. But but I agree, I mean it's, there is a difference and you have to. You have to prepare individually to be a husband but also be prepared to be a part of a team as a marriage.
LaTanya:I agree All right, cool.
Eugene :Well, thank you all for joining us. We appreciate you all hanging out, and we'll be back really soon with part two of this episode, because we have again. We have so much more to talk about, so stay tuned, don't Peace.
